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When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda by [Ballard, Zari]
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When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda Kindle Edition

2.7 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews

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Length: 229 pages Word Wise: Enabled Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
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Product Description

What is the narcissism epidemic?

When our partner is a narcissist, only those who've actually experienced the madness will ever understand what we're going through. When Love Is a Lie is a straight-up, tell-all book about narcissism in relationships that skips the clinical bullshit to focus solely on the personalexperience. A narrative that holds nothing back, Zari Ballard's storywill educate, enlighten, and empower you to evaluate (and fullyunderstand) the mind-boggling dysfunction in your own relationship.Compare her story to your own and watch what happens. As it has forthousands of abuse victims worldwide, When Love Is a Lie is going to resonate with you in ways that no other book about narcissism ever has.

Any relationship involving a person with a narcissistic personalitydisorder will inevitably take a dark turn. We stay in the relationshipthinking we can fix this person or love him/her out of their badbehavior but the truth is that narcissists, sociopaths and psychopathscan never be fixed - not with love, therapy, or any magic pill. Lifequickly becomes a roller coaster ride from hell with Lucifer himself atthe controls. If that sounds dramatic, then you've never loved anarcissist. If that sounds familiar, then this very special book mayjust change your life.

When Love Is A Lie breaks down the signs of a narcissistic personality, exposes the narcissist's way of thinking, and explains exactly why a partner with a narcissistic personality will....

  • ..over time, deliberately and methodically manage down your expectations ofthe relationship so that you expect less and less and he gets away withmore
  • ..mimic the appropriate emotions at opportune times to achieve desired results

  • ..use the silent treatment, disappearances/reappearances, and otherdemoralizing (and passive-aggressive) control tactics to punish thosewho dare to call him/her out on questionable behaviors
  • ..create constant narcissistic chaos and turmoil even - and especially - duringthe "good" times as a way of keeping you in a heightened state ofco-dependent anxiety 24/7

  • ..juggle many relationships at once - sometimes for years on end - with no one being the wiser, not even you
Narcissist abuse is often intentionally passive-aggressive so that we never quiteunderstand what's happening. Friends and family try to be supportive but they simply don't get it. This book, from its very first pages, offers a reprieve from this isolation. When Love is a Lie will make youlaugh and it may even make you cry but, above all else, it will provideconfirmation and validation that YOU are not the problem.

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Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 509 KB
  • Print Length: 229 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Australia Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00D17093M
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Screen Reader: Supported
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 2.7 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #56,066 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

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Customer reviews

2.7 out of 5 stars
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I found this book to be very helpful but this is about a personal journey with a extreme narcissist,and i found it hard to identify with because my N of 35 years is more subtle with trying to control me. But since i'm a newbie at this ( i have only in the last weeks put a name to my husbands behavior ). But one thing is for sure I AM SO RELIEVED I'M NOT CRAZY
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This is the story of a woman who became obsessed with a disordered man and takes absolutely no responsibility whatsoever for her part in allowing it to happen and continue for years and years.She put this Wayne person, on a pedestal higher than any human should be,instead of nurturing her son she spent years and years obsessing over a man. A better title for her book would be..."My sexual infatuation with a man cancelled out my ability for good and accurate evaluations of people".

The narcissist had nothing going for him other than an ability to provide an eroticism that captivated a very damaged woman.Ballard states...
"the sex was great for the entire twelve years that the narcissist and I were together. It just was. In fact, to this day, the sex is still something I miss and the single thing that could probably still make me cry over the break-up. Honestly, there are days when I have to consciously try not to think about it".

The man she was obsessed with had an ability to create a degradation recovery/restoration dynamic that hooked into the wounded desperate little girl part of the author's psyche & when he had the urge to get away it provoked deep feelings of pain and she chased him.Thats what caused the erotic charge & chemistry the 'great passion' was fed by the anxiety of his impending abandonment-she sounds like a masochist who mixed her sex with emotional pain-she glorified their sexual encounters.Emotional pain sex was often her drug of choice.
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When you've been in a similar situation. It ticks so many boxes.
Worth reading.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) (May include reviews from Early Reviewer Rewards Program) 4.2 out of 5 stars 339 reviews
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Truth in disguise 16 April 2017
By Amazon Customer - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Accurate to a degree... However, not every N disappears for weeks on end or changes their phone number. I was involved for seven years, four of which were as a married couple with a child together. My N did do many of the behaviors the author describes, but honestly, had I caught my man in the act or had him disappear for weeks on end I would have caught on immediately. My N is what is consideted as a covert narc, and therefore much more difficult to unmask. I liked this book for its candidness, but it didnt touch on the SPECTRUM of NPD, and how there are many different degrees, levels, and behaviors that can be seen in these people. My own N was as cold and callous as they get, but used stonewalling and physical abuse, as well as a claim of having been diagnosed with PTSD, as his reason for the atrocious acts he committed.

Bottom line: There are many forms and variations of NPD, and that mine didnt portray the long absences or constant phone number changes does not mean he was not on the NPD spectrum. It just means he was a different level on the spectrum. So I think its important that readers understand this is only one of many examples of what NPD can look like. It doesnt have to be obvious to be true.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars SHE NAILED IT! 23 August 2016
By Honey M. - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Ok, I only just STARTED reading this book, but I feel compelled to rate it 5+ stars! THAT'S how spot-on accurate it is. My name is Blank, and I WAS struggling through my FINAL breakup with a narcissist. I WAS going crazy trying to quit obsessively thinking about him, even though I knew my soul would die if he remained in my life. Thanks to this book, I am done, my mind is free; I FINALLY understand.

To Zari: Thank you for saving my precious life. To readers: WHAT SHE SAID. Now, I'm going to continue reading this book. It is simply manna from heaven; the author, my guardian angel.
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Like Zari Ballard 25 March 2015
By Genie E. Polower - Published on
Verified Purchase
Like Zari Ballard, I'm both a writer and a professional musician. I just finished writing what I call a "porn-erotic" novel about the narcissist whom I came to love after the suicide of my husband. The funny thing is that, until I read WHEN LOVE IS A LIE, I didn't realize that my ex-boyfriend had a sociopathic disorder. I didn't realize he had a classic case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I thought there was something terribly wrong with me, an attractive, accomplished, loving woman who, by hook or by crook, couldn't get my charming, complicated man to love me no matter how much I did for him and how much I even compromised my own standards. Through reading Zari's book, I learned that there was nothing I could do to change my narcissist. I started listening to Linda Ronstadt's love songs which were often about men who were unable to love, and I started educating myself about NPD. If only I had known about NPD, I think my own novel would have been more coherent and more understandable. Yet, I have to thank Zari for convincing me that I wasn't crazy to let a narcissist into my world ... I just was too blind to see and too loving in order to realize that nothing I could do would improve the situation. I'm proud to say that I am in the process of No Contact and I don't even have any desire to contact my ex. I'm happily married now to a man who knows the meaning of the word "love." Unfortunately, my relationship with my N left emotional scars and my new husband isn't having an easy task in convincing me that I am, in fact, an attractive and desirable woman.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars They are attractive, dark, and mysterious - and they will destroy you if you get too close... 30 May 2017
By Amazon Customer - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
For a lay perspective, this book was very informative as to how the average person gets lured into the black hole of the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath's (N/S/P) existence; and whirls helplessly around the event horizon - as if being pulled in and held mercilessly by a gravitational force from which there seems no escape. A place where time is warped, where personal boundaries are continually under attack, and where deceit, subterfuge, and slight of hand are like clouds of stardust obscuring the truth - that N/S/Ps are a void that can never be filled; and that will suck us in, crush and mangle us, and spit us out the other side - an unrecognizable version of the person we were before.

The author tells us how she encountered and fell haplessly into the world of her N/S/P - a man she had known for many years, but did not recognize for the void he really was. She explained how she finally managed to break free of the gravity, basically using the only tactic that works in such cases - complete and forced separation of the escape pod from the cargo hold carrying all of the emotional baggage weighing one down. No contact and indifference.

Nicely done. Thank you Zari!
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Candid and to the point 3 May 2017
By Conquerer - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I've been in an abusive relationship for the past 14 years, and never realized that there were words to describe the abuse, never knew that other people had been through it and written books about it. I believed that I was the one to blame for our estranged and strained relationship. Then, the abuse went up to a whole new level in 2017. That's when I started looking for a cause or any explanation for this repeated chaos in our lives. Zari is one of the earliest authors I had the privilege of reading. She's spot on. I just wish there was more to read about female narcissists, and how could a man to recover from abuse. Thanks for writing. Keep writing. You're the best. You have shown me the light at the end of my tunnel.

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