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When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda by [Ballard, Zari]
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When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda Kindle Edition

2.7 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews

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Length: 229 pages Word Wise: Enabled Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
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Language: English

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Product Description

What is the narcissism epidemic?

When our partner is a narcissist, only those who've actually experienced the madness will ever understand what we're going through. When Love Is a Lie is a straight-up, tell-all book about narcissism in relationships that skips the clinical bullshit to focus solely on the personal experience. A narrative that holds nothing back, Zari Ballard's story will educate, enlighten, and empower you to evaluate (and fully understand) the mind-boggling dysfunction in your own relationship. Compare her story to your own and watch what happens. As it has for thousands of abuse victims worldwide, When Love Is a Lie is going to resonate with you in ways that no other book about narcissism ever has.

Any relationship involving a person with a narcissistic personality disorder will inevitably take a dark turn. We stay in the relationship thinking we can fix this person or love him/her out of their bad behavior but the truth is that narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths can never be fixed - not with love, therapy, or any magic pill. Life quickly becomes a roller coaster ride from hell without a harness and with Lucifer himself at the controls. If that sounds dramatic, then you've never loved a narcissist. If that sounds familiar, then this very special book may just change your life.

When Love Is A Lie breaks down the signs of a narcissistic personality, exposes the narcissist's way of thinking, and explains exactly why a partner with a narcissistic personality will....
  • ..over time, deliberately and methodically manage down your expectations of the relationship so that you expect less and less and he gets away with more
  • ..mimic the appropriate emotions at opportune times to achieve desired results

  • ..use the silent treatment, disappearances/reappearances, and other demoralizing (and passive-aggressive) control tactics to punish those who dare to call him/her out on questionable behaviors
  • ..create constant narcissistic chaos and turmoil even - and especially - during the "good" times as a way of keeping you in a heightened state of co-dependent anxiety 24/7

  • ..juggle many relationships at once - sometimes for years on end - with no one being the wiser, not even you
Narcissist abuse is often intentionally passive-aggressive so that we never quite understand what's happening. Friends and family try to be supportive but they simply don't get it. This book, from its very first pages, offers a reprieve from this isolation. When Love is a Lie will make you laugh and it may even make you cry but, above all else, it will provide confirmation and validation that YOU are not the problem.

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Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 509 KB
  • Print Length: 229 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Australia Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00D17093M
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Screen Reader: Supported
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 2.7 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #88,121 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

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Customer Reviews

2.7 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition
This is the story of a woman who became obsessed with a disordered man and takes absolutely no responsibility whatsoever for her part in allowing it to happen and continue for years and years.She put this Wayne person, on a pedestal higher than any human should be,instead of nurturing her son she spent years and years obsessing over a man. A better title for her book would be..."My sexual infatuation with a man cancelled out my ability for good and accurate evaluations of people".

The narcissist had nothing going for him other than an ability to provide an eroticism that captivated a very damaged woman.Ballard states...
"the sex was great for the entire twelve years that the narcissist and I were together. It just was. In fact, to this day, the sex is still something I miss and the single thing that could probably still make me cry over the break-up. Honestly, there are days when I have to consciously try not to think about it".

The man she was obsessed with had an ability to create a degradation recovery/restoration dynamic that hooked into the wounded desperate little girl part of the author's psyche & when he had the urge to get away it provoked deep feelings of pain and she chased him.Thats what caused the erotic charge & chemistry the 'great passion' was fed by the anxiety of his impending abandonment-she sounds like a masochist who mixed her sex with emotional pain-she glorified their sexual encounters.Emotional pain sex was often her drug of choice.
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I found this book to be very helpful but this is about a personal journey with a extreme narcissist,and i found it hard to identify with because my N of 35 years is more subtle with trying to control me. But since i'm a newbie at this ( i have only in the last weeks put a name to my husbands behavior ). But one thing is for sure I AM SO RELIEVED I'M NOT CRAZY
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When you've been in a similar situation. It ticks so many boxes.
Worth reading.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.1 out of 5 stars 318 reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars SHE NAILED IT! 23 August 2016
By Amazon Customer - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Ok, I only just STARTED reading this book, but I feel compelled to rate it 5+ stars! THAT'S how spot-on accurate it is. My name is Blank, and I WAS struggling through my FINAL breakup with a narcissist. I WAS going crazy trying to quit obsessively thinking about him, even though I knew my soul would die if he remained in my life. Thanks to this book, I am done, my mind is free; I FINALLY understand.

To Zari: Thank you for saving my precious life. To readers: WHAT SHE SAID. Now, I'm going to continue reading this book. It is simply manna from heaven; the author, my guardian angel.
122 of 126 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I swear this book was written about my ex! 20 July 2013
By Emma Raphael - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition
A very easy read about the Narcissist, written with honesty and straight to the point.
The common traits these people share was mind boggling to me, right down to they even use the same phrases, behaviour patterns and lies!
I found this book bought up all sorts of emotions for me as it hit very close to home.
I laughed at some of the things the author said / did, as I too have done exactly the same.
I got angry, as some of the authors stories triggered memories I had blocked out.
And I felt like I had been punched to the stomach when the author revealed more information about Narcissist's than I ever realised .
Highly recommended, and a great book to keep on hand for comfort,reassurance and strength for one of the toughest journeys I will ever go through .
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Like Zari Ballard 25 March 2015
By E. G. Power - Published on
Verified Purchase
Like Zari Ballard, I'm both a writer and a professional musician. I just finished writing what I call a "porn-erotic" novel about the narcissist whom I came to love after the suicide of my husband. The funny thing is that, until I read WHEN LOVE IS A LIE, I didn't realize that my ex-boyfriend had a sociopathic disorder. I didn't realize he had a classic case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I thought there was something terribly wrong with me, an attractive, accomplished, loving woman who, by hook or by crook, couldn't get my charming, complicated man to love me no matter how much I did for him and how much I even compromised my own standards. Through reading Zari's book, I learned that there was nothing I could do to change my narcissist. I started listening to Linda Ronstadt's love songs which were often about men who were unable to love, and I started educating myself about NPD. If only I had known about NPD, I think my own novel would have been more coherent and more understandable. Yet, I have to thank Zari for convincing me that I wasn't crazy to let a narcissist into my world ... I just was too blind to see and too loving in order to realize that nothing I could do would improve the situation. I'm proud to say that I am in the process of No Contact and I don't even have any desire to contact my ex. I'm happily married now to a man who knows the meaning of the word "love." Unfortunately, my relationship with my N left emotional scars and my new husband isn't having an easy task in convincing me that I am, in fact, an attractive and desirable woman.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars No cigar! 12 April 2017
By Suzan Webb - Published on
Verified Purchase
Zari's writing style is fresh and spontaneous, and her list of traits for a narcissist is one I haven't seen anything like before. She has obviously been through what we've all been through, and apparently has come out on the other side. But as far as telling us how to do it, the book's promise, she drops the ball. Copying blog entries into the text, typos included, made me feel as creepy as reading blogs do. These comprised the major part of the back half of the book. She would have served her readers better by spending a little more time giving people who are still caught up the throes of this madness some practical ways to get and keep their heads on straight and set themselves up to live differently. There was a glaring absence of any suggestions of that kind in this book. It seemed as though she thought if she talked about all of the craziness that was going on between her and her N. and her eventual liberation, her readers would be liberated too, all by osmosis, and certainly not because she shared any of those details with her readers. I really didn't need the blow by blow of every insane event she experienced with him. I have my own. She claimed she had shown us how she'd done it, yet search as I might, I never did find that information anywhere. There are better books, with much better advice. Here are some good ones covering various aspects of this problem.

No Contact by H G Tudor (author is a narcissist)
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K. Simon Ph.D.
Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin (a narcissist) and Lidija Rangelovska
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier
and one of my favorites - Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self by Elan Golomb
Mind Games: Emotionally Manipulative Tactics Partners Use to Control Relationshi
Kole, Pamela
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars brilliant! simply brilliant 11 April 2015
By Karen Paxton - Published on
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
If you have never been in one of these relationships you are very lucky. If you have, you know exactly what the author is talking about. I am about to divorce one of them and he is attempting financial rape. Puzzled about why nothing in my married world (I married late) made sense I came across passive aggressive information online and I started to recognise the symptoms in other people's stories. The more I learned the more sense it made that I had been caught by one of theses f'ers. I believe I was targeted from the outset for my assets...and now it is time to get out. I have had long chats with wife #1 and been piecing it all together. Knowledge is power folks. Stand back and look at your situation. It's a play you didn't know you were in. You got handed the script and you're doing a beautiful job of playing the part they want you to. Put it down and step away from the script. Don't engage in the drama. Go grey Rock. Live a separate life. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in to the drama. That supplies them with energy. Help them go cold turkey with your energy supply. Turn off that tap. Expect the drama to ramp up but like she says they will get as desperate as a starving person and keep trying to engage you. What made the scales fall from my eyes? Doing up "my contribution to the marriage" for the solicitor meeting. I shocked myself at what I gave over the 7 years and what little return I got. The promises made to me to work together that were not fulfilled. The successful income-producing business I built for him earning more than he had ever had in his life...but the money is no where to be seen. What about the secrecy about his cash jobs. Where did all the money from the business go? This experience has brought me to as sharp halt but I intend to come out of it the victor. I just hope the courts are across these is like discovering a new disease and having to convince people it actually exists. Good luck to everyone going thru it. It is no more our fault than it is the gazelle's for being the one the lion decided to pick out of the herd to eat. Wrong place; wrong time.

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