- Paperback: 174 pages
- Publisher: Parkhurst Brothers Publishers Inc; Revised ed. edition (1 April 2010)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1935166301
- ISBN-13: 978-1935166306
- Product Dimensions: 14 x 1.5 x 21.6 cm
- Boxed-product Weight: 159 g
- Customer Reviews: 960 customer ratings
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 14,367 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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In Sheeps Clothing Paperback – 1 April 2010
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"Thank you for your book, In Sheep's Clothing. My husband and I saw several counselors to help us through the problems we were having with my mother-in-law who is immature and manipulative. The counselors spent most of their time trying to get me [to accept her], instead of teaching me [as only your book did] ways to cope with her manipulation."--Erin, online purchaser
"I've not read a more eye opening book. It hits the problem nail right on the head. If you suspect someone is manipulating you, please read this most valuable book. It will truly pull the wool off of your eyes."--Carnelian, a reader in New England
From the Back Cover
Every now and then, a teaching
tool comes along that really makes
a difference. This is one!
Jef Sturm, President
Jef Sturm Graphic Design
Pawley s Island, South Carolina
Professor Mantle presents color theory in a unique format that clearly illustrates the effect of perspective on color, light and shade. This technique should be a primary tool for all serious painters. --Joan Klatil Creamer, Industrial and Product Designer
Eric Mantle s book will be a treasured resource for students of art and design and a truly great
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Modern permissiveness and the new culture of entitlement allows disturbed people to reach adulthood without proper socialization. In a book meant both for the general public and for professionals, bestselling author and psychologist George Simon explains in plain English:How most disturbed characters think.
The habitual behaviors the disturbed use to avoid responsibility and to manipulate, deceive, and exploit others.
Why victims in relationships with disturbed characters do not get help they need from traditional therapies.
A straightforward guide to recognizing and understanding all relevant personality types, especially those most likely to undermine relationships.
A new framework for making sense of the crazy world many find themselves in when there's a disturbed character in their lives.
Concrete principles that promote responsibility and positive change when engaging disturbed characters.
Tactics (for both lay persons and therapists) to lessen the chances for victimization and empower those who would otherwise be victims in their relationships with many types of disturbed characters.
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In comparison this book is more general (not specific to narcissists, psychopaths or other personal disorder) but well-rounded.
George uses examples to demonstrate in depth the cause and effect of behavior on all effected. This is done in depth. Brilliant job.
George does not vilify any particular sex/class - his examples use both sexes and people from all backgrounds. I felt this was done equally (but I wasn’t keeping a tally).
George comes across as very factual and able to demonstrate a thorough understanding on the subtle more nuanced effects of covert aggression.
Clear definitions are provided for each term and explains why terms are the same or different and why one things might not mean another. This establishes clarity. His use of these terms throughout the book is consistent and easy to follow.
My first listen/read of this book was so eye opening. I needed time to digest it all. 10 months later, I am reading again but this time one chapter at a time. There is so much to reflect on and digest.
Top international reviews
It will help you to understand that there are damaged people out there who do NOT have your best interests at heart.
If it is a member of your family...well, I am sorry if you're just discovering this. It is very hard to accept that there is nothing you can do to make the relationship better. It is not your fault (if you are the empathetic one). the were made/nurtured this way. And, of course, if you can manage to step back, before the corrosiveness of this difficult relationship starts to cause actual harm to your health...then, so much the better. You will not be thanked for doing so, but it seems to be the only way. Trying to change/heal the relationship means the other person will be storing up info on you to use at some later date (in mine, and many of my friends' experiences).
Time to notice, accept, mourn (or whatever) this dysfunctional relationship with sociopaths, perhaps?
Whatever you do, do not try to 'expose' them (unless it is safe to do so...so have plenty of evidence to back up your version of events, and dependable people who will support you)... That could really cause them to fixate on you and cause serious damage to your reputation and/or mental health.
Read this basic book. It's very helpful, even though basic. Then pass it on to someone else that you might be concerned for.
There aren't many sociopaths in the world (well around 4 per cent so actually that's quite a lot!) and most people don't have them in their circle of relationships, so you can be greeted with suspicion when you start being able to identify them.
The message is: Be careful if you are an Empath...especially around Apaths and Sociopaths. If you can live your life without it being affected by either, you're a very fortunate person.
Best of luck.
It explains the symptoms and behaviours of manipulatuve people well but has little about how to deal with it. It disappointed me in many ways:
Firstly, the cases were all very mild examples of behaviour, it really could have done with some closer to my own experience of being manipulated and both physically and mentally abused by my partner.
Secondly, the cases are without exception a man manipulating a woman. Again, I know from personal experience this is not always the case, at least one or two should have shown the man being treated in such a way.
Thirdly, the author goes off, as so many in this sphere seem to do, into a holier than thou type rambling about the imperfections of the human race rather than sticking to his subject.
Lastly, the section on how to deal with the issue was comparatively very short whereas this is the piece people who buy the book are presumably most keen on.
This book is a valuable tool to those who have been subjected to manipulative people to help see the behaviour for what it is. It's educating and very well written. I commend the author for educating about this behaviour.
Society has changed in regard to personality and character, and the 'old' models of therapy are no longer conducive when dealing with the personality issues we are now presented with.
If nothing else, this book reminds us that although we cannot always change the manipulative behaviour of others, we can change how we behave and respond to them.
He talks of the 'neurotics' and the 'character disordered' at either end of the spectrum but could just as easily have been talking about 'empaths and narcissists', 'codependents and manipulators' or 'victims and abusers.'
I was interested that he perceives part of the societal problem as the general tendency to make excuses for manipulators - the old 'hurt people hurt people' adage. But he tolerates no excuses at all. These aggressors deliberately and consciously set out to win the fight of taking control and cruelly believe the means justify the ends. As he says the victim makes himself (or herself) miserable, the abuser makes others miserable.
He gives good advice on how victims should develop self awareness and boundaries. My only two criticisms would be that there is very little on what makes us either a neurotic or character disordered person in childhood. And also that he seems to suggest that if a victim takes appropriate action they can live with an abuser. Two women a week are killed in the UK by abusers. I would have liked to see more acknowledgement about how dangerous these people can be and how important it is to have a well thought out, well supported and effective escape strategy.
It covers different types of aggression and the desire to control especially from what is labelled a Covert-aggressor. Not to be mixed up with Passive-Aggression which is different. The CA list of operating tactics and impact on others is very similar to the Covert Narcissist but not exactly the same.
These are dangerous people with totally wrong motives who can cause tremendous harm in your life. Reading this book gives you the insights into how they tick, what that looks like, how they achieve it and identify you as a target and most importantly how to not be vulnerable and recognise the manipulative predator early...and run!
One thing that stuck with me after reading this was the comment that many of us think people are fundamentally the same. Maybe someone is a bit broken, damaged and if we try to help them they’ll change. Wrong. The book teaches that certain personality disordered people are hard wired that way and do not think the same or have the same agenda to their counterparts. Keep that tidbit handy.
Details of how manipulation looks to what it can do over time. You’ll be worn down, hopeless, confused and this can lead to depression and other issues that make you even more vulnerable to the predators need to control you covertly.
An essential read. Everyone should be aware of how these dangerous folk operate and be educated on how to avoid them. 4 stars.
It has helped me realise past manipulative relationships and I'm starting to deal with this now.
I would recommend this to anyone who feels they might have a manipulative person in their lives past or present. I am far too trusting and an easy target for them.
It can be emotionally hard to read at times but has been an amazing revelation for me. It's hard to believe people can be that manipulative but they really can.
However, I am only giving it four stars because I would have liked more information on how to respond effectively to manipulative people; and there are so very many errors in the text. I suspect the book was originally published in a different format and the text was taken from that format and dropped into this one without the help of a proper typesetter. There are lots of words which are broken with a hyphen, even though they're in the middle of a line; and several other mistakes. A shame, as it did spoil the reading for me a little.
Couldn't put the book down, also related to it all, has helped me greatly and recently of being tried to be manipulated. I learnt techniques and still pick the book up, even though I have read it for reference.
Anyone suffered from mental abuse and being manipulated, would highly recommend.
If you have been emotionally abused and suffer from depression both these books would be very helpful. In my opinion better than any counselling once you have recognised that certain people are indifferent to you and only want to use you for their own purposes.