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In Session:Bond Bet Women and Therp Hardcover – 25 Jun 1999

by Deborah A Lott (Author)

24 ratings

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Why do so many women develop profound feelings for their therapists? Why do many of them fall in love with their therapists, and what happens to them when they do? "In Session" enters the consulting room and cuts straight to the heart of the complex psychotherapy relationship.

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Product details

Hardcover: 321 pages
Publisher: W H Freeman & Co (25 June 1999)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0716735628
ISBN-13: 978-0716735625
Product Dimensions: 16.5 x 2.5 x 25.4 cm
Boxed-product Weight: 612 g
Customer Reviews:

Customer reviews

5 star 71% (71%)		71%
4 star 15% (15%)		15%
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2 star 8% (8%)		8%
1 star 6% (6%)		6%

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Top international reviews

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Very worthwhile read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 31 August 2018

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This is essential reading for every woman in therapy. Can't recommend enough.

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Falcon Lirica

The most helpful book ever written on the pain of falling in love with your therapist

Reviewed in the United States on 12 May 2016

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This is the most helpful book I've ever read about psychotherapy. Although there are many treatises on transference, I have never found anything that truly describes what it feels like from the client's point of view to fall in love with your therapist, and all of the distortions (and, unfortunately, abuses and breaches of ethics) that can develop as a result, from both sides. The description of the client-therapist interaction as an "approximate relationship" was immensely helpful in trying to make sense of a relationship that just isn't normal or easily understood. The reminder that the longed-for LOVE is mostly a fantasy that must be relinquished was tremendously powerful for me in helping me to in fact do so. The only thing I wish was further addressed is how agonizing it is to be obsessed day and night by the image of a person you can't have. Thank you, Deborah Lott, for writing this fabulous book. I passed it on to my therapist so that he might finally understand what I have been suffering.

3 people found this helpful

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Jodi

Amazing

Reviewed in the United States on 17 May 2012

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I'm adding to this because I feel others should know specifically how this book helped me. I went through a very difficult time with my therapist, including many boundary transgressions that left me very confused and with no one to turn to because our therapy had to end because we had become too close personally. I felt alone and very strange for the many feelings I was having and felt very odd indeed. When I read this book, it was amazing to see that I was not alone in the many feelings I had in reaction to this experience. I had been reading many many books looking for something that could help me. I even read text books trying to understand what was happening to me emotionally. It was only the words of these other women that spoke to me, because many of them experienced similar thoughts and feelings, even if their experience wasn't exactly the same.

This book really nails the therapeutic relationship by describing a variety of reactions to therapy, including erotic transference and feelings involved in boundary transgressions. It is no doubt a book that therapists should read to better understand their clients and a book clients should read that are having difficulty understanding the wide array of feelings that manifest themselves during therapy. Because it comes from the perspective of many different clients, it is a nice sampling if experiences. I bought a copy and had it sent to a therapist who is a friend of mine. It should be required reading for students with the ambition of becoming therapists.

7 people found this helpful

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Marge

best book on the psychotherapy relationship i've ever read...

Reviewed in the United States on 10 February 2011

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"Should be required reading for anyone in the field of Psychotherapy. Therapists & Clients would find a more meaningful relationship if they were made aware of the discoveries written about in this book. It would open up dialogging between therapist & client to discuss transference & relieve the shame of having deep feelings develop in the relationship. It also gives clear observations of what is a healthy & ethical therapeutic relationship & when it's time to end the relationship. There should be no sexual relationship with your client during or after the ending of treatment. There is a two year period of time when any contact should be made & under most circumstances no romantic connections should be acted upon after that two year period of time. This book is filled with so much information written after extensive interviews with clients & therapists & those in the field of Psychotherapy. It is thorough & the best book written on the subject of the relationships that develop during psychotherapy between the client and her therapist. I am rereading it b/c it is that good & there is so much material covered. If you are thinking of going into therapy I highly recommend this book to give you a better understanding of what to expect & how to handle the course of your own therapy."

5 people found this helpful

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Marina Garmon

Very fast delivery

Reviewed in the United States on 6 December 2018

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It arrived prior to the expected date... But the book is in mediocre shape. Several of the pages are bent (obviously the previous owner has never heard of a bookmark), and the cover is quite stained. I'm guessing the previous owner was in love with her therapist, as all those chapters are marked. Hopefully she got help lol. Still readable, but disappointed in the overall shape.

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Nicole Flowers

Fascinating...

Reviewed in the United States on 30 October 2000

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What an amazing and fascinating read. Deborah Lott definitely has the gift for writing well, and this book is as hard to put down as a good novel. The indepth research that she went through to write the book made me realize that IN SESSION is not about mere postulations, but about truths. Since she has already studied the field of psychotherapy so intently and she cares so much, I truly believe that she would serve the profession well by becoming a therapist herself. I look forward to watching the career of this insightful woman.

6 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

this book is so informative!

Reviewed in the United States on 7 October 2007

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I was looking for readings on "boundaries" in psychotherapeutic relationship. Well, I didn't really understand why my therapist insisted so much on keeping boundaries between her and me. I didn't see any problems having conversations over coffee if I happened to run into her outside of therapy. I didn't have any fantasies about finding where she lives, seeking her out, but I didn't see any harms to have a socially friendly relationship with her either. Sounded like very bad ideas from my therapist standpoint. Felt like we would jeopardize all our hard work in therapy if we socialized outside of the "sanctity of the office"! Anyway, I was interested in learning what these "boundaries" stuffs were all about from someone outside of our relationship. This book not only answered my questions on boundaries, but also gave insight into all aspects of relationship between women and their therapist. Wow, what a complicated world! My hat is off to Deborah for writing this book so candidly, attributing no shame to the patients for their feelings, sexual or not. My therapist is a wonderful woman, full of compassion and warm caring for me. She's genuinely listening to me with empathy. I gradually progressed towards a complete trust in her. I told her all my shameful secrets I never told any therapists before. I found myself adoring her like a kid. Yet, despite our wonderful therapeutic relationship, I still wondered if I was weird or some thing. This book helps me to understand my attachment to my therapist and don't feel ashamed about it. It helps me not feeling "weird" about my "child-like longings" for a motherly figure in her. It strengthens my trusting in her and in myself to work out my problems. I would recommend this book to anyone who has any interest in psychotherapy, patients or therapists.

9 people found this helpful

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teriksen

A Gift--A Must-read for All Women in Therapy

Reviewed in the United States on 24 December 2006

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Even if you are lucky enough never to experience transference and attachment issues with your therapist, there is plenty of good information here about the goals of psychotherapy, its history, subgroups and boundaries. And if you ARE experiencing transference, dependence, attachment or all three, do yourself a huge favor and read this book.

An amazing book. Highly recommended. An absolute gift to women who are trying to use psychotherapy to overcome negative pasts and/or cope with the stresses and losses of the present.

13 people found this helpful

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Teri Anne Ward

Helped me to understand

Reviewed in the United States on 19 September 2013

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This book is very readable and I enjoyed the real-life stories. I understand the therapeutic process much better after reading this, and I believe it's helped me in my own therapy. I would recommend it to women who are in therapy or considering therapy.

2 people found this helpful

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Tara

RELIEVING

Reviewed in the United States on 11 November 2005

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For women going through comprehensive psychotherapy will find this book so helpful and relieving. relieving is probably the better word. for all women searching for meaning and clarity in their therapeutic relationship, this book is essential. It is so critical to use the dynamics of the relationship between a woman and her therapist for therapeutic gain. this book gives you perspective and a way to approach all the intense, confusing and seemingly crazy feelings that women have for their therapists. i would probably not have stayed with my therapy if it wasn't for this book. this book helped me feel ok with my feelings and gave me the courage to bring them up in therapy which has totally changed the course of therapy for me in a good way. i can't begin to tell you how much this book has helped.

15 people found this helpful

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S. E.

wonderful

Reviewed in the United States on 9 July 2012

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the whole book kinda felt like an 'I'm not the only one!' moment. Overall, it was very helpful & informative. I highly recommend it.

2 people found this helpful

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KatG

Take it with a grain of salt

Reviewed in the United States on 5 June 2012

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I've been trying to put my disappointment with this book into words to possibly help someone else out.

This book fell waaaay short of my expectations.

I wanted a feel good book about the bond between women and their therapists.

I kept reading and waiting for it to get better but it never did.

I fear this book will discourage genuinely good therapy candidates away from therapy.

The author shares in the introduction that she had a poor experience in therapy and this book definitely reflects that. In fact, it seems biased towards bad experiences in therapy.

I LOVE therapy. I have a wonderful therapist and in fact, have had such a phenomenal experience in therapy that my daughter's middle name is after my therapist.

Therapists are people, too. Some are good, some aren't. If you go to one bad therapist, think of it like a bad haircut. You don't swear off haircuts forever, you just go to a different barber.

It did take me 12+ psychologists/counselors/psychiatrists to find THE ONE. And I don't regret the search.

I recommend to anyone searching for a therapist to look for one in private practice and one who has their own recovery (from their own issues.)

To the author, I would suggest going to The Meadows .com and encourage her to look into their workshops & also to read books by Terry Real (Terrance Real) and Alice Miller and Pia Mellody and John Bradshaw.

I feel a bit angry at the author as her book seems to fear monger.

Lastly, this book is expensive even used. I never pay this much for a book ($20+) and I certainly regret it now.

2 people found this helpful

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Mojo's Person

Four Stars

Reviewed in the United States on 4 August 2016

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Solid information. Much appreciated.

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Shopping Queen

Good!

Reviewed in the United States on 25 February 2015

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Good book!

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judi duncan

Affect on therapeutic relationship with my therapist

Reviewed in the United States on 5 May 2016

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has made a huge impact on my relationship with my therapist.

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