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Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids Kindle Edition
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Meghan Daum
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Meghan Daum
(Author, Editor, Introduction)
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Review
I've never needed approval for my decision to go childless through this world, but there've been times when I wanted company, a sounding board, a friend who wouldn't take the wrong way my desire to be occasionally ecstatic about not having babies and all the opportunities it affords me. "Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed "is all that and more. It's sweet, heartfelt...utterly (and by design) the opposite of its title. It's a triumph of honesty and sincerity. I imagine returning again and again to its many smart and caring voices.--Hannah Pittard, author of Reunion and The Fates Will Find Their Way
Put aside your moralistic assumptions. The sixteen probing essays collected here show how deeply individual-and varied, rich, and colorful-are the paths by which people arrive at the decision to not have children. This has to be one of the best of the many anthologies about women's (and men's) life stages-there's a lot at stake here for the writers, and for the readers as well.--Katha Pollitt, author of Pro: Reclaiming Abortion Rights and The Mind-Body Problem
To her illustrious list of literary accomplishments, Meghan Daum must now add "brilliant anthology editor. "In this thoughtful, hilarious, gorgeously written collection of original essays by anything-but-the-usual-suspects, Daum has taken a taboo subject and turned it inside out so that we see the seams, the stitching, and the bloody guts of one of the most personal and complex decisions any of us can ever make. This is a wonderful book.--Dani Shapiro, author of Still Writing and Devotion: A Memoir
Provocative.--Elissa Schappell "Vanity Fair "
[A] searing collection...The child-burdened should come away from this engaging collection with a rich sense of what they have missed.--Katie Roiphe "The Washington Post "
Refreshing for this reader, who's a parent but who also has no trouble identifying with non-parents; though we might come to different decisions (to become parents or not), we still worry and ponder and project in similar ways...The anthology's variation in tone proves that, like those with children, the childless aren't some monolithic group with identical motives....It's this kind of open-minded honesty that will move the topic away from its limiting us versus them binaries.--Edan Lepucki "The Millions "
Anthologies aren't famous for changing attitudes "en masse," but at the very least this one gives voice to the complexities of assuming and enjoying a 'child-free' life....The sixteen essays are cleverly arranged, creating a satisfying intellectual and emotional arc....The reader is treated to nearly every reason one might choose to forgo having children.--Kate Bolick "The New York Times Book Review "
Oftentimes hilarious and heartbreaking, and riddled throughout with truth.--Minda Honey "Los Angeles Review of Books "
Potent and sorely needed antidote to this toxic myth comes in "Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids," edited by the brilliant Meghan Daum-a writer of rare aptitude for articulating the unspeakable. The contributions-sometimes witty, sometimes wistful, always wise-come from such celebrated authors as Geoff Dyer, Anna Holmes, and Sigrid Nunez..."Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed" is a nuanced and necessary read in its totality.--Maria Popova "Brain Pickings "
A taboo will linger until someone writes lyrically enough to destroy it. Here, sixteen writers finally say what women are never supposed to but what we all know is true: pregnancy seems terrifying, birth even more so, baby lust passes, and, just as with men, work, creativity, and love affairs can crowd out everything else. Also, who really cares about getting a Mother's Day card? My three children are of course perfect in every way and yet, the longer I am a mother, the more it's obvious to me that it's not for everyone. Any woman who shares that instinct: Ignore your grandmother. Read this instead.--Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men: And the Rise of Women --This text refers to the hardcover edition.
Put aside your moralistic assumptions. The sixteen probing essays collected here show how deeply individual-and varied, rich, and colorful-are the paths by which people arrive at the decision to not have children. This has to be one of the best of the many anthologies about women's (and men's) life stages-there's a lot at stake here for the writers, and for the readers as well.--Katha Pollitt, author of Pro: Reclaiming Abortion Rights and The Mind-Body Problem
To her illustrious list of literary accomplishments, Meghan Daum must now add "brilliant anthology editor. "In this thoughtful, hilarious, gorgeously written collection of original essays by anything-but-the-usual-suspects, Daum has taken a taboo subject and turned it inside out so that we see the seams, the stitching, and the bloody guts of one of the most personal and complex decisions any of us can ever make. This is a wonderful book.--Dani Shapiro, author of Still Writing and Devotion: A Memoir
Provocative.--Elissa Schappell "Vanity Fair "
[A] searing collection...The child-burdened should come away from this engaging collection with a rich sense of what they have missed.--Katie Roiphe "The Washington Post "
Refreshing for this reader, who's a parent but who also has no trouble identifying with non-parents; though we might come to different decisions (to become parents or not), we still worry and ponder and project in similar ways...The anthology's variation in tone proves that, like those with children, the childless aren't some monolithic group with identical motives....It's this kind of open-minded honesty that will move the topic away from its limiting us versus them binaries.--Edan Lepucki "The Millions "
Anthologies aren't famous for changing attitudes "en masse," but at the very least this one gives voice to the complexities of assuming and enjoying a 'child-free' life....The sixteen essays are cleverly arranged, creating a satisfying intellectual and emotional arc....The reader is treated to nearly every reason one might choose to forgo having children.--Kate Bolick "The New York Times Book Review "
Oftentimes hilarious and heartbreaking, and riddled throughout with truth.--Minda Honey "Los Angeles Review of Books "
Potent and sorely needed antidote to this toxic myth comes in "Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids," edited by the brilliant Meghan Daum-a writer of rare aptitude for articulating the unspeakable. The contributions-sometimes witty, sometimes wistful, always wise-come from such celebrated authors as Geoff Dyer, Anna Holmes, and Sigrid Nunez..."Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed" is a nuanced and necessary read in its totality.--Maria Popova "Brain Pickings "
A taboo will linger until someone writes lyrically enough to destroy it. Here, sixteen writers finally say what women are never supposed to but what we all know is true: pregnancy seems terrifying, birth even more so, baby lust passes, and, just as with men, work, creativity, and love affairs can crowd out everything else. Also, who really cares about getting a Mother's Day card? My three children are of course perfect in every way and yet, the longer I am a mother, the more it's obvious to me that it's not for everyone. Any woman who shares that instinct: Ignore your grandmother. Read this instead.--Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men: And the Rise of Women --This text refers to the hardcover edition.
Review
Sixteen literary luminaries on the controversial subject of being childless by choice, collected in one fascinating anthology.
--This text refers to the hardcover edition.
Book Description
Sixteen literary luminaries on the controversial subject of being childless by choice, collected in one fascinating anthology.
--This text refers to the hardcover edition.
From the Publisher
Meghan Daum is the author of four books, most recently <b><i>The Unspeakable... And Other Subjects of Discussion</i></b>, published in 2014 by FSG. Her other books include the essay collection <b><i>My Misspent Youth</i></b>, the novel <b><i>The Quality of Life Report</i></b>, and <b><i>Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived In That House</i></b>, a memoir. An opinion columnist for <i>The Los Angeles Times</i> for nearly a decade, Meghan has written for <i>The New Yorker</i>, <i>Harper's</i>, <i>Elle</i>, and <i>Vogue</i>, among other publications. She lives in Los Angeles.
--This text refers to the hardcover edition.
About the Author
Meghan Daum is the author of four books, most recently The Unspeakable... And Other Subjects of Discussion, published in 2014 by FSG. Her other books include the essay collection My Misspent Youth, the novel The Quality of Life Report, and Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived In That House, a memoir. An opinion columnist for The Los Angeles Times for nearly a decade, Meghan has written for The New Yorker, Harper's, Elle, and Vogue, among other publications. She lives in Los Angeles.
--This text refers to the hardcover edition.
Product details
- ASIN : B00JI0W6VE
- Publisher : Picador (31 March 2015)
- Language : English
- File size : 688 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 289 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: 157,571 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
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Top reviews from Australia
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Reviewed in Australia on 14 May 2017
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TOP 1000 REVIEWER
Meghan Daum has collected the essays of 16 fellow writers for her book, "Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed:Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids". Of the 16 authors, 13 are women and three are men. Most of the writers are straight and several are gay. Some are married, some are single. Many are in late middle-age; the rest younger. But they are all together on their decisions - and these are conscious decisions - not to have children.
Just as there are 16 authors, each has a different reason to be child-free. Most seem to point out that they had bad or indifferent parenting and were afraid they themselves would be bad parents. Others had no maternal feelings; their "biological clocks" had either stopped ticking or had just never started. And some were just plain "selfish"; they enjoyed the benefits of living without the obligation to provide for others and to put the lives of their children first. Oh, yes, they're are selfish.
Okay, but what's the problem with being "selfish"? Or "shallow", or "self-absorbed"? Isn't it "selfish" to think the world can't get along with our genetic lines continuing for at least another generation? And to have children because we'll have "someone to take care of us when we're old" seems more than a mite bit "shallow". The same words that have been tossed at many of these authors can also be turned back onto we who have chosen to have children.
The 16 essays are really short-stories. Each "story" captures a life different enough from the one preceding it and the one following. All, though, seem to begin with their own childhoods and with the relief that for whatever reason, they chose not to have a child.
At first I felt that it was a shame that this book even had to be written. And then I realised that the authors were helping others who had made the same decision or were in the process of deciding that it was "okay" to be "child-free" in today's world. The sixteen all seem very at peace with their lives, which is all you can hope for at the end of your day.
Just as there are 16 authors, each has a different reason to be child-free. Most seem to point out that they had bad or indifferent parenting and were afraid they themselves would be bad parents. Others had no maternal feelings; their "biological clocks" had either stopped ticking or had just never started. And some were just plain "selfish"; they enjoyed the benefits of living without the obligation to provide for others and to put the lives of their children first. Oh, yes, they're are selfish.
Okay, but what's the problem with being "selfish"? Or "shallow", or "self-absorbed"? Isn't it "selfish" to think the world can't get along with our genetic lines continuing for at least another generation? And to have children because we'll have "someone to take care of us when we're old" seems more than a mite bit "shallow". The same words that have been tossed at many of these authors can also be turned back onto we who have chosen to have children.
The 16 essays are really short-stories. Each "story" captures a life different enough from the one preceding it and the one following. All, though, seem to begin with their own childhoods and with the relief that for whatever reason, they chose not to have a child.
At first I felt that it was a shame that this book even had to be written. And then I realised that the authors were helping others who had made the same decision or were in the process of deciding that it was "okay" to be "child-free" in today's world. The sixteen all seem very at peace with their lives, which is all you can hope for at the end of your day.
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

A. Hipwood
4.0 out of 5 stars
A great read, raising numerous valid and interesting points
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 18 January 2016Verified Purchase
A great read, raising numerous valid and interesting points. Plus sharing many relatable personal stories. I have recommended to many who have chosen to remain 'child free'
One person found this helpful
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Evvy K.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Glad I came across this book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 25 March 2018Verified Purchase
Good read with a lot of fair points about why it is O.K for people to choose not to have children to feel O.K about not wanting children and to stay volunteerely child-free

Andrew James Douglas
5.0 out of 5 stars
Five Stars
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 July 2017Verified Purchase
Can't recommend this book enough. Hopefully it will cut th human population in half by 2100.
One person found this helpful
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Xena Torres
2.0 out of 5 stars
Anecdotal personal stories that have nothing to do with the subject of the book
Reviewed in Canada on 19 August 2016Verified Purchase
I would have liked a book that looked more at how things are changing in society rather than a bunch of anecdotal stories. This was really more a collection of some writers telling short life stories and how that may have, a little, influenced their choice not to have children. Considering the title of the book, I expected it to spend more time exploring how people with children react to those who choose not to have them, but it barely came up; worse, the book actually had the same sort of attitude as the title, suggesting it's not okay to not like kids, or to prefer to have money to spend. The book was rather judgmental actually.
This is a very interesting topic, and something I was interested to read about, especially because of how people continue to act towards people who choose not to have kids, especially women, and it was really just writers telling stories about their childhood, which is not what I wanted to read. Maybe writers were not the best choice for people to write these chapters?
This is a very interesting topic, and something I was interested to read about, especially because of how people continue to act towards people who choose not to have kids, especially women, and it was really just writers telling stories about their childhood, which is not what I wanted to read. Maybe writers were not the best choice for people to write these chapters?
One person found this helpful
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Afelsky
3.0 out of 5 stars
Superficial
Reviewed in Brazil on 15 February 2018Verified Purchase
Algumas histórias são interessantes e outras sao muito chatas e meio sem sentido. É legalzinho para ver a linha de pensamento de outas pessoas com os motivos e como eles chegaram na decisao de ter filhos. Mas as decisões deste livro são quase todas tomadas pelo mesmo motivo. Seria interessante saber se estas pessoas se arrependeram da decisão, mas é superficial neste aspecto
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