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Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited (FULL TEXT, 10th edition, 2015) by [Vaknin, Sam]
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Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited (FULL TEXT, 10th edition, 2015) Kindle Edition

5.0 out of 5 stars 2 customer reviews

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Length: 720 pages Word Wise: Enabled Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
Page Flip: Enabled Language: English

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Product Description

The FULL TEXT of Sam Vaknin's classic, groundbreaking BIBLE of NARCISSISM and NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, now in its 10th edition. Tips and advice as well as the most complete clinical background. Narcissistic Personality Disorder and its effects on the narcissist, the psychopath and their nearest and dearest in a variety of settings: the family, workplace, in Church, the community, law enforcement, and politics. 100 frequently asked questions and two essays - a total of 730 pages! Updated to reflect the NEW criteria in the recent fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM).

You are not alone! Are YOU Abused? Stalked? Harassed? Victimized? Confused and Frightened? Were you brought up by a Narcissistic or Psychopathic Parent? Married to a Narcissist or a Psychopath - or Divorcing One? Afraid your children will turn out to be narcissists or psychopaths? Want to cope with this pernicious, baffling condition? OR: Are You a Narcissist or a Psychopath - or suspect that You may be one ... This book will teach you how to Cope, Survive, and Protect Your Loved Ones!

"Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" is based on correspondence since 1996 with hundreds of people diagnosed with Narcissistic and Antisocial Personality Disorders (narcissists and psychopaths) and with thousands of their suffering family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues. The first ever book about narcissistic abuse, Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited offers a detailed, first hand account of what it is like to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It contains new insights and an organized methodological framework. The book comprises more than 100 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) regarding relationships with abusive narcissists and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What is a personality disorder? When the personality is rigid to the point of being unable to change in reaction to changing circumstances - we say that it is disordered. Such a person takes behavioral, emotional, and cognitive cues exclusively from others. His inner world is, so to speak, vacated. His True Self is dilapidated and dysfunctional. Instead he has a tyrannical and delusional False Self. Such a person is incapable of loving and of living. He cannot love others because he cannot love himself. He loves his reflection, his surrogate self. And he is incapable of living because life is a struggle towards, a striving, a drive at something. In other words: life is change. He who cannot change cannot live.

The narcissist is an actor in a monodrama, yet forced to remain behind the scenes. The scenes take center stage, instead. The Narcissist does not cater at all to his own needs. Contrary to his reputation, the Narcissist does not "love" himself in any true sense of the word. He feeds off other people, who hurl back at him an image that he projects to them. This is their sole function in his world: to reflect, to admire, to applaud, to detest - in a word, to assure him that he exists. Otherwise, the narcissist feels, they have no right to tax his time, energy, or emotions.

The posting of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited on the Web in 1997 has elicited a flood of excited, sad and heart rending responses, mostly from victims of Narcissists but also from people suffering from NPD. This is a true picture of the resulting correspondence with them. This book is not intended to please or to entertain. NPD is a pernicious, vile and tortuous disease, which affects not only the Narcissist. It infects and forever changes people who are in daily contact with the Narcissist. In other words: it is contagious. It is my contention that Narcissism is the mental epidemic of the twentieth century, a plague to be fought by all means. This tome is my contribution to minimizing the damages of this disorder.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 2131 KB
  • Print Length: 720 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Narcissus Publications; 10 edition (30 June 2015)
  • Sold by: Amazon Australia Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00HDJF7HC
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars 2 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #15,581 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

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Truly revealing work from the author. There is so much in this work that assists the victim to acknowledge and consume, then apply to their own abuse. It is with this information that one can then move forward AND not look back. The narcissist can not recover, the victim with knowledge can recover and move forever onwards with love in their heart. As stated in this work, the new love of a victim's life will be so much better than the narcissist. I can only be a better person for the experience.
Rob.
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Its absolutely insane how we can live with a narcissist for so many years and think that their crazy behavior is because they love us too much (because that's exactly what they want us to believe ) its all a lie..i just love to read about these vampires because i lived with one for 19 years. It's amazing how much you don't know about them until you read this book. Wisdom is knowledge. What an amazing book.! Will be passing it on to a friend.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta) (May include reviews from Early Reviewer Rewards Program)

Amazon.com: 4.6 out of 5 stars 285 reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent resource for Writers & Actors Portraying Narcissists and Psychopaths 28 January 2016
By MediaFrenzy - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
As a writer/producer, I have a specific interest in writing about serial killers, military warriors, dishonest business men, dangerous andmanipulative lovers, bad doctors and bad cops. In my work, as in life, these people are usually psychopaths and narcissists.

Outside of Vaknin's material, the information on the internal lives and psycho dynamics of people with these disorders is limited and shallow. The advice and insight provided doesn't go much beyond "these are bad people, run away". Which generally speaking is fine advice, but not much help to someone who wants to write about or portray what makes these folks so dangerous. They don't look like monsters, talk like monsters, or behave like monsters most of the time. If they did, staying away from them would be easy. Furthermore, we as a world depend on these folks and frequently idolize them, particularly in fiction. Dirty Harry, Don Corleone, even Iron Man . . .

If you're a writer looking to create better characters, or an actor looking to bring more depth and truth to the people you portray, I think this is an invaluable book.

If you're someone who has to live with a narcissist or a psychopath in the real world, and the advice to "run away" is completely ridiculous because you have children with them, a business with them, want to remain a part of the family you were born into, this book may honestly be your best chance of living through crazy.

Finally, if you happen to be a narcissist or psychopath, or think you might be, first my condolences. It's not an easy road you're on and you're likely not on it by choice. The path to these disorders almost universally involves trauma and insidious forms of abuse and violations of "self".

Vaknin has indicated he was twice professionally diagnosed as a Psychopathic Narcissist and this book and I think his work may be one step toward finding a more livable life for yourself and incidentally those who choose to associate with you.

You can't diagnose or treat yourself for this illness, and you shouldn't try because it will lead to infuriating frustration which is counter productive. But you can get some sense that you aren't the only one wrestling with the issues you face, and you will discover that you are not, as almost every other book on the topic seems to indicate, "untreatable".
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Most Comprehensive & Useful Book on Narcissism Available! 19 April 2017
By J.D. - Published on Amazon.com
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Dr. Vaknin’s book; Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited, is the most comprehensive book I have found on the subject of narcissism. It truly is an excellent book for anyone looking to learn about narcissism. This book is a wonderful book that provides a bird’s eye view into the mind of the narcissist. Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited isn’t a small book (707 pages!). However; it thoroughly explores the topic of narcissism. I am sure that; like myself, the majority of those who purchase Dr. Vaknin’s book are looking for answers to the deep questions surrounding narcissism. You don’t know what you don’t know. That is why; Dr. Vaknin’s book is so valuable. It provides you with information regarding narcissism that will result in many “ah ha moments”. It will allow you to begin processing your own experience with the narcissist. Being able to process your experience and having particulars regarding your situation come together really does so much to facilitate healing from the pain that the narcissist has inflicted upon you. This deeper understanding of narcissism is essential for moving on from your relationship with the narcissist.

Dr. Vaknin’s book discusses narcissism in a straightforward manner. One of the main strengths of this book is that it is beneficial regardless of whether the narcissist in your life is a family member, friend, or significant other. However; it does address relationship specific considerations. If you are just beginning to research narcissism; Dr. Vaknin’s book is one that you need to purchase at the beginning of your search. It is certainly a book that you’ll refer back to as you learn more and more about narcissism. Because Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited contains so much information the table of contents are especially helpful. The very intuitive TOC makes it so easy to flip right to information on certain topics pertaining to narcissism. Other reviews have mentioned that Dr. Vaknin isn’t a licensed mental health professional. This is accurate and is worth noting. However; there is much value in learning from Dr. Vaknin as a self-identified narcissist and his work surrounding the topic of narcissism over the span of many years. It is important to note that until someone has been involved with a narcissist they don’t understand the nature and dynamics of such a relationship. Even mental health professionals who have had extensive training may have no idea what they are getting into when they have a personal experience with a narcissist; either professionally or personally. So; again, Dr. Vaknin’s book is extremely beneficial because of his own experience and expertise.

A few things that I want to say to anyone out there who is reading this that may be hurting: You have so much worth as a person. You deserve to be valued for who you are. You have the right to feel safe and secure in your beliefs and happy in your world. How the narcissist treated you wasn’t your fault. Know that the narcissist’s behaviors are the result of his own character make-up and who he is as a person. People are not people to the narcissist; they are objects, placeholders, and once they have served their purpose they are discarded. This lack of ability to truly connect and feel is what makes it so easy for him to treat those who love him horribly and discard them cruelly. Despite what the narcissist might have said or implied; you aren’t a bad person. All of those things that he has blamed on you in his paranoia; you are not responsible for. Avoid begging and pleading with the narcissist as he is not going to provide you closure in the relationship. He doesn’t want peace or closure as he still wants to obtain narcissistic supply from you in any way possible. Even if you have been discarded by the narcissist, he still sees you as an extension of himself. So; in his mind, you are still his possession and permanent personal belonging. It doesn’t matter if he has a new source of narcissistic supply. In that case; he just has his cake and ice cream too. Remember that anything you say to the narcissist will be used against you; especially your weaknesses. The narcissist is incapable of communicating from a place of sincerity. The more you try to communicate with him on a level ground; the more he will resist. This is because discussions about feelings and emotions are too intimate for the narcissist to handle. That and you might ask questions that he won’t want to answer; such as about his past. The narcissist is hard enough on you without you also being hard on yourself. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself a break. Don’t berate yourself for things you could have or should have done “better”. We all fall short sometimes and we all make mistakes. However; no matter what you do or how much you try, you will never be able to please the narcissist. Think about what might have contributed to the perpetuation of the dysfunction that occurred. If you place a man on such a high pedestal; he is going to come tumbling down. However; this really feeds the ego and encourages a sense of entitlement as well. Likewise; if you continuously accept responsibility for things that are not your fault or you ignore the narcissist’s behaviors or minimize them, you are giving him the green light to continue them. The most diabolical thing about narcissism is that the narcissist uses our strengths against us; being loving, caring, trusting, open, and loyal. The narcissist crushes your hopes and dreams and causes so much emotional damage to your heart. However; he views himself as the perpetual victim and even though we may have already spent years more concerned for his feelings than our own, he still expects us to put his feelings above our own even after everything he has put you through. Break free from the narcissist and care for yourself! Put yourself first for once and think of yourself and your feelings because the narcissist never did and he never will. Don’t feel guilty for caring for yourself because when you neglect yourself it impacts every facet of who you are; all the way to your soul. Imagine taking all of the love, care, and concern you feel for the narcissist and turning it inward onto yourself. You deserve that because you have been through so much. If you want to be yourself again; you have to cut the cord that connects you and the narcissist. He thinks you won’t. However; you must be the person who cuts the cord if you want to be healthy and happy again. Every day you don’t cave to the narcissist; you’ll become stronger and more of the woman you were before he systematically torpedoed you. Stay strong and keep moving forward. Remember; in the world of the narcissist, everything is about him. Things won’t miraculously be different in his future relationships. You deserve to be respected and loved for the wonderful person that you are!

Purchase Dr. Vaknin’s wonderfully informative book and learn as much as you can about narcissism. It'll be the foundation from which you'll learn so much about narcissism. Having a narcissist in your life is something that is so devastating. It isn’t so easy as to just read a book and you’ll miraculously feel better. It takes time to learn about narcissism, relate the things you’re learning to your own particular situation, and process things. These steps are able to occur only after you’ve let go of denial of the reality with the narcissist. Then; your heart has to catch up with your head. Don’t be discouraged or try to rush yourself through healing from the narcissist. Healing is a process. It takes a long time to get to the point where you have had enough. However; in that time, so much has happened. So; it stands to reason, that it will take a long time to fully heal from the narcissistic relationship. You have to allow yourself to reflect on everything and grieve for the person you lost. At the core of it all is that there is love for the narcissist; the person that you had so much respect for and wanted to share your life with. It is hard to accept the loss of this person from your life and realize that; like a chameleon, he’ll go on to be someone totally different with someone else. He was never truly who you believed he was. Prioritize yourself. Be good to yourself and be patient with yourself as you work on healing from the narcissist. Collect the pieces of your heart and move forward with your life. Your best days are ahead! <3
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I would give this book 10 stars!!! 9 April 2016
By Tiredawork - Published on Amazon.com
Verified Purchase
This is the best book on narcissism I have ever read. The author is absolutely "on the mark" with every word he writes. It's been 29 years since my marriage ended and there wasn't a page in this book that did not include something about my life while I was married and all of his behaviors and their horrific results. What made it intolerable was not knowing what was wrong with him. Being an RN I read everything about his behaviors and it covered numerous mental conditions. But he had symptoms of so many different personalities that it wasn't till the early 2000's that it mostly fit a sociopathic narcissistic . This book was the only one that went into the reasons as to how he became this way. It explained it in detail that I really came to understand him. I'm going to make sure my children read this book so they can understand him. We all thought it was us. And we've lived with this for so long it's caused long term difficulties. I hated him before we escaped and I still feel the same to this day but now I know the reasons and it's brought us a new peace. People didn't understand, and neither did I, and that I know most of them didn't believe me. How can you explain someone who is so crazy.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Mind and eye opening 21 October 2016
By Jeannette Perret-Gentil - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book is a master piece. I struggle for 30 years with a Covert narcissist, doubting and blaming myself, crying, feeling lonely and not loved, working so hard to please everybody else, nulling myself in favor of others with no results, nothing was ever enough, trying to understand, knowing that something was wrong and it wasn't me but couldn't nail it. And now finally everything is clear. Sam Vaknin might not be a psychotherapist, but he sure knows more than any psychologist I've been to. He absolutely knows what he's talking about, both from a scientific and a human point of view. He explains this disorder so well that you have no doubt that you can trust his advice. No Contact. No matter how many years you were trapped, you can work on yourself and you can move on and have a healthy life, whether alone or in a new relationship. You are a person of great value and don't ever let anyone tells you the contrary. Read this book. Find out the truth. Move on. Let go. Be happy.
28 of 29 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars NARCISSISM SUPER-SIZE 13 October 2013
By D.B. - Published on Amazon.com
Verified Purchase
After reading the reviews,(some of which could use a bit of editing, this is Amazon, not group therapy!) I went ahead and added Malignant Self Love to my library of self-help books on NPD. Like all the other reviewers here, I have a direct relationship with a pathological narcissist. My father, who is increasingly becoming more monstrous as he ages and his voracious appetite for supply becomes harder to deal with as I continually grow into the autonomous individual I have worked so hard to be from years of therapy (formal and informal) and from witnessing my mother's early death from cancer. Mr. Vaknin is indeed a narcissist, there is no doubt about that. Highly intelligent, and accomplished. He has extremely insightful thoughts and theories on the disease. However, this kind of info gets redundant without the use of a proper editing. 3/4 of the way through, its like, "ok, I get it...Narcissists need their supply...and on and on and on...!" After reading it, (and it is page turner, for sure) I feel almost as drained as I do after my father depletes me of my energy and absorbs it into his supply.
I recommend reading in small doses, journal, take a walk, breath. Because it is a lot, and since it is written by a narcissist, you do somehow find yourself giving him all your attention and energy.
It is definitely worthwhile, and if you ever wonder what the heck is going on in the sick, twisted mind of the narcissist dominating your life, READ AWAY!!!

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