
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
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Out of nowhere, like a fresh breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice on what to believe, comes Byron Katie and what she calls "The Work". In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a 10-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended. The freedom of that realization has never left her, and now, in Loving What Is, you can discover the same freedom through The Work.
The Work is simply four questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light. As Katie says, "It's not the problem that causes our suffering; it's our thinking about the problem." Contrary to popular belief, trying to let go of a painful thought never works; instead, once we have done The Work, the thought lets go of us. At that point, we can truly love what is, just as it is.
Loving What Is will show you step-by-step, through clear and vivid examples, exactly how to use this revolutionary process for yourself. You'll see people do The Work with Katie on a broad range of human problems, from a wife ready to leave her husband because he wants more sex, to a Manhattan worker paralyzed by fear of terrorism, to a woman suffering over a death in her family. Many people have discovered The Work's power to solve problems; in addition, they say that through The Work they experience a sense of lasting peace and find the clarity and energy to act, even in situations that had previously seemed impossible.
Please note: The audio makes reference to accompanying material that is not included with the purchase of this title.
- Listening Length6 hours and 47 minutes
- Audible release date27 May 2004
- LanguageEnglish
- ASINB00NPB444Y
- VersionAbridged
- Program TypeAudiobook
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Product details
Listening Length | 6 hours and 47 minutes |
---|---|
Author | Byron Katie, Stephen Mitchell |
Narrator | Byron Katie, Stephen Mitchell |
Audible.com.au Release Date | 27 May 2004 |
Publisher | Phoenix Books |
Program Type | Audiobook |
Version | Abridged |
Language | English |
ASIN | B00NPB444Y |
Best Sellers Rank | 746 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals) 120 in Personal Success 158 in Motivational Self-Help (Books) 428 in Textbooks & Study Guides |
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“Nothing terrible has ever happened except in our thinking. Reality is always good, even in situations that seem like nightmares”. “When I’m walking to the gas chamber, other than what I’m thinking and believing, what an amazing day!” - Byron Katie.
Was it an amazing day for Jewish kids in 1944? Byron Katie teaches us not to think about it.
In one interview BK said that all the problems that we’re dealing with are non-existent.
- People come to you with very bleak stories of abuse, rape, bereavement, even murder. Do those stories shake you up? Do you feel sorry for them?
- No. Never. I know that they’re perfectly all right. They only believe their thoughts.
She writes that she had suffered from years of depression, anxiety, compulsive eating, substances abuse, suicidal thoughts.
Then she had a profound experience which lead her to understanding that “I am a lover of what is… because it hurts when I argue with reality”. She started to teach an acceptance of what is and love it.
I my opinion it is nothing else as rationalisation of traumatic experience and coping mechanism. It is OK if that is her choice. The problem starts when learned helplessness is taught to people with C-PTSD, PTSD, bipolar, depression etc.
It’s like a person who learned how to cope with severe symptoms of an illness by taking huge doses of morphine claims to cure all other ill people with any kind of illnesses just by offering them same huge painkiller doses. No treatment, no therapy. Just take your pill and shut up.
She is not offering work with trauma, with your shadow self, triggers, memories. She can’t. She has no training in psychology whatsoever. She is a guru or “spiritual mentor”. She earns money by abusing victims and trauma survivors, she refuses to listen to them and invalidates their very self. But I think she is a victim who cannot stand others to be not one.
What she does is quite similar to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but CBT focuses on correcting our mental patterns and teaches how to change destructive believes and behaviour, while BK teaches us how to question all our thoughts, experiences, feelings.
Despite her claims she is not teaching people to accept the reality. She is teaching them to believe in the illusion where they are helpless, and where they cannot protest against harm even mentally. She teaches victims of abuse that their abuser did not cause heir suffering. If that is not a victim blaming, what is?
Of-course, it is important not to be stuck in the traumatic past, and see the difference between things that are in our control and things that we cannot change. She emphasises that she does not preach passivity, according to her we can go further and change our reality. The problem is that she does not give as rights to own the reality. “The reality” is a “turn around” of our experiences, an empty tulpa.
She pressurises people to “turn around” their experiences and question their reality. If that is not a gaslighting, then what is?
If this is done against healthy people – it’s just a questionable practice. If it had been done to people with mental health problems, especially suffering from C-PTSD and PTSD – it’s more dangerous than that.
She sits on stage and tries to convince people that racism is not a problem, that the pollution of the earth is not a problem – that it’s our reactions that are the problem.
Privileged, arrogant and deluded? I doubt it. I think it’s deeper than that. She learned how to live in a survival mood, accept her helpless status and love it.
I think her main interest apart from earning money is power. She was helpless against her abusers and could not change her life. Now she is teaching others how to love to be a victim and enjoy her guru status. To be a guru, or “spiritual mentor” nowadays is to be elevated to the highest level. Here, on stage, she can bully others and feel superior taking credit for helping without willing to help.
Victims in survival mood often struggle to help others, struggle to sympathise. When she sat next to a man who was dying, she said to him that she does not care. In one of her books she said that she will nor resist throwing her baby into the fire in the concentration camp.
Horrible? Well… you must question yourself and turn it around.
Love what is, in all situations. No critical thinking needed. Individuals alone are responsible for their own well-being or suffering. Isn’t it so convenient for establishment? For people in power?


How can it be helpful to turn your truths around and call them lies?
How does it end suffering to say - and then believe to be true, that your abuser is the victim and you, the wronged, are the abuser? No, this book is not for me. "Loving What Is" lacks both commonsense and compassion.
It could be that Byron Katie is extracting from the premise, held in both Eastern and Western spiritualities, that we are all connected, both good and evil, and that somehow the connection transmutes to love and good. But if so, the theory is not explained or developed, and instead there are gaping holes in the logical flow of this book, and it feels as if the reader is being hectored and demeaned to answer the questions in only one way.
We are all different and unique individuals with varying stories of personal suffering. These stories can be resolved, I believe, by kinder methods.

Seriously- she is getting paid big bucks for writing this utter tosh. Second question ? Can I really know that it is 'absolutely true ? Well, ok Katie/Byron , let's say I'm in Gaza or being bombed by Israeli airstrikes ok ? Can I be sure that it is absolutely true ? Katie wants us to say "No" but I don't want to play ball. Honestly it is such utter rubbish. Her whole mantra is to "accept" what "Is". So that means being passive although of course she doesnt say that because that wouldn't shift any of her books.
Avoid at all costs.
I feel I have been cheated. Sadly fell for the hype machine.
Ignore it.