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Love In the Time of Contempt: consolations for parents of teenagers Paperback – 21 December 2020
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Love in the Time of Contempt is a gritty, hilarious look at the day-to-day interactions with teenagers and the tussled, frazzled and complex business of remaining mature while supporting someone to become an adult. Fedler shares her philosophy that we are meant to parent imperfectly - our mistakes are the start of the important conversations we need to have with our kids. She guides us through enduring intermittent bouts of contempt, while not taking it personally, picking the fights that are worth having, and surviving the journey from frustration, to confusion, to elation and back again.
Love in the Time of Contempt is a funny, poignant account of the dramas and delights of parenting people who know it all, who don't yet have a fully functioning brain and who desperately need us to parent them - just not in the way we're used to.
- Publisher : Joanne Fedler Media (21 December 2020)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 278 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1925842258
- ISBN-13 : 978-1925842258
- Dimensions : 15.24 x 1.6 x 22.86 cm
- Best Sellers Rank: 222,318 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Joanne is keen to point out that she claims no expert credentials, and this is not another "how to parent your teenager" book. However, I must admit to being very glad that I have read this book NOW. My own son is just 9. "Love in the Time of Contempt" is wonderful reminder to savour, as much as I am able, these next few years...
Yvonne Coburn 26 January 2015
This book by Joanne Fedler is beautifully written and ground breaking.. it is brutally honest ,exhaustively researched and explores the myriad issues that parents face in their daily lives with teenagers.
Joanne provides a wealth of anecdotal evidence, supplemented with research from interviews with many parents about this important topic. She succeeds in opening up cathartic dialogues and offers guidelines to help understand the complexity of young adolescents.
No brief summary can do justice to the intelligence and moral complexity of this book. I picked it up without expectation. I read it with gathering intensity, and a swelling admiration. I finished it, and straightaway started to read it again. It is unusual, original, and utterly compelling.
Joanne's style laced with gentle humour, is as mesmerizing as are her characters. Her dexterous, self-ironizing distance (the autobiographical elements are obvious),the detached gestures with which the narrator interrupts herself, the muted fury that erupts in sentences, and a certain moral seriousness and ethical anguish also impregnate this gem of a book. It is a valuable document of vital relationships and illuminates the important things in life.
This melting pot of a book is handled with style and an easy familiarity. There is a great deal here to move anyone who has watched or felt the sufferings of age and parenthood.
This book is one womans gift to the world and its heartfelt honesty reaches straight to the heart.
From my heart to yours Joanne thank you.
Joanne sells little bracelets for parents and children to wear that represent staying connected, and although this my child's most most treasured possession. When I picked him up from after school care one day, he was crying. When I asked him what was wrong he couldn't speak, but he held the bracelet out to me as I held him. Through his tears he was telling me he was connected to me and that he had missed me. He is only 5, and I know things will shift as Joanne has warned in the book. Right now we have a graphic representation of our connection on our wrists. Later, in the crazy teenage years, we will need reminders to stay connected. When he treats me with contempt. When it is hard to communicate. When he locks himself in his room filming 'as if he's Spielberg or something'.
This book has given me a heads up on what to expect in the years to come, and I recommend it for parents of children who are not yet teenagers, as much as I do for those in the thick of it.
In the words of Joanne:
"We can't stop them from suffering but we can be there for them when they suffer. That's all, really."
"Enduring suffering builds resilience. That's their lesson. Watching them suffer builds resilience. That's ours."
Thank you Jo, from the bottom of my heart.