It has been a year since reading this book and taking action. I'm now in a wonderful, loving relationship with a man whom I found by utilizing the information found in this book. It's a wonderful match. We plan on marrying in 2020. I've read many other books over the years, post-divorce. This book and a variety of blogs - along with, and in spite of my own hard-headed persistence and fortitude - were absolutely the keys. Just Buy the Book and DO THE WORK INSIDE!
(Story/Context - Sitting there alone, ticked off, single on NY Eve of 2016, I decided it was time to finally do something once and for all! I read an article on online dating and figured if 50% of all relationships now start from online and 32% of all marriages, somebody is doing something MUCH better than I am so why reinvent the darn wheel gal? Go find someone(s) who have this figured out lady! We do live in the age of the internet and technology dictates with Big Data! The stats are with you given the number of people on the internet, let alone single, qualified men!)
The dating journey was fun, but it is also fraught in these times compared to when I was growing-up in a small town, dating my ex-husband. One Southern and Midwestern gal can't reference check the high school guys with Mama, so identifying the 'deadly dating patterns' to 'STUDS' over 'DUDS' provided invaluable insight. It's all here. Really, IT'S ALL HERE. The behaviors that men exhibit belie what they may say. It takes time for one to see the patterns from these guys. Forget the thousands of dollars charged by dating coaches offered on the internet, joining a professional matchmaking group or service who don't have enough viable candidates, are 'professional singles' to just jerks, saying 'yes' to yet another 'unqualified' guy hitting on you at the supermarket, men flirting with you after meeting them in business situations, yet they are completely not-qualified as long-term partner to husband material... It's all here in this book. GET. IT. Read It. DO IT. Weed out the unworthy men to get to the good ones. Wash, rinse, Repeat! Give it over 90 days and your flow/process will get better in the selection 'game.'
(More specifics below.)
What worked for me and what did I find? (In no particular order.)
* Identifying my 'Deadly Dating Patterns' - staying single, having given-up, not choosing the better candidates, finding the candidates, doing the work instead of expecting the guys to come to me etc. and so on breaking those bad habits and moving forward.
* Learning to date 3 guys at a time - Circular dating; it effectively utilizes time and protects your heart.
* Identifying and wrapping off unqualified men - screening ladies, screening! (Phone conversations are a must before meeting, not simply texting, ensure they really are divorced, qualifying questions must be asked without it sounding like a job interview, acquiring info beyond what is on the dating website must be discerned, similar to if you were perhaps showing-up to make a major purchase.)
* The insights of a Female Psychologist who deals with other professional women across the country so sees the patterns, what is going on out in the 'real world' unlike some of the other coaches, better-meaning friends, relatives and casual observers. SHE IS AN INTEGRATIVE EXPERT. (Checkout here Wikipedia page here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diana_Kirschner and NO, I wasn't paid to write this!)
* She lives her truth - unlike some of the other books, blogs etc. out there by people who aren't married, haven't done the work, live in Los Angeles which is an isolated, not 'rest of us in the real world' area let alone aren't licensed shrinks!
* You don't have to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on losing weight, having full hair and makeup done for pictures, new outfits, let alone foo-foo retreats to find yourself in order to be date-worthy, yada, yada, yada. (I did go to the makeup counter at the mall, put on some great clothes, picked an area and had a friend take some shots of me then re-wrote my profile over time and switched out some dating sites.)
* Picking high quality dating websites and Aps, adjusting my parameters over time on the dating journey. (I'm with an exceedingly smart, wholesome, introverted Engineer, divorced a few years w/ younger children, not a seemingly high-powered, never-married or older executive as an ex-fiance' and all the strings that come from/with that one.)
* It takes time. Dating is fun as you learn to do it and work it; 3 hours a week broken down into bite-sized bits of time not including the 1-2 dates per week with different men. (A formula for example ala' EvanMarcKatz.com who has some GREAT free info, and I believe how I found Dr. Diana.)
* Younger to middle aged dating is different but there are some inherent similarities; the guy who isn't the best looker, less Rico suave tech guy running off to conquer international mountains, gym rat to all the *fabulous* pics on his profile, pales in reality when you meet him in-person to a 'normal' semi-religious or spiritual and divorced man who will treat you like gold but may not be as outgoing as you, let alone have your 'dating game' etc. of circular dating as advocated in the book.
The only section or perhaps simply a page or two, I would perhaps suggest adding in an update; a bit more about the concerns from and in the online dating world. How to screen them and meet in a mutual location to realizing ghosting is a thing, texting is not a main form of communication and stay away from the dudes who want to send 'dick pics' etc. to requesting all kinds of information and time up-front before meeting as a live-human, in-person if they are so worthy. Some of these guys simply utilize these sites as a time-killer and online game for them. Filter them out! (See funny below a GF photo-shopped the pink panther on the dude supposedly in the Legal Department at a major Seattle-area company sent me. Grr! He didn't think it was very nice to do that, when I sent it back adjusted. I thought it would be nice to send to his employer w/ the time stamp of when he sent it then his tune changed and hopefully won't do that to another woman. Suffice to say he didn't make it out of further screening and I cancelled our first meeting.)
Now I'm on to her next book as I do believe relationships, as anything in life, require proactive maintenance. I'll keep an eye on her website and future books let alone continue to enjoy her free email updates. Outside support is absolutely necessary on this journey, and may it start for you with this essential book!
- Paperback: 272 pages
- Publisher: Center Street; 1 edition (12 March 2019)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1546084894
- ISBN-13: 978-1546084891
- Product Dimensions: 13.3 x 2.9 x 20.3 cm
- Boxed-product Weight: 295 g
- Average Customer Review: Be the first to review this item
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 14,622 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)