“Expecting a baby?
“I didn’t plan on spending my career looking between ladies’ legs. But for the last 35 years I’ve hatched over 3,000 babies – mostly in the hospitals, but some on the side of the road and in carparks.
“Hatch and Dispatch is a compilation of the advice I give to expecting mums almost every day, whether it be their first of fifth babies. I use the stories from my career to show you that every woman has the same concerns, the same questions, and makes essentially the same noise when pushing a baby out.
“Read about the hallucinations some women experience when using nitrous, what happens to tattoos and piercings during pregnancy (clue: dolphins become whales, Bambi becomes a moose), and about the partner who wanted to attend ante-natal classes even though his baby was already born. Bless his cotton socks - he wanted to leave his wife and baby at home and come to class to learn about nappy changing and settling (on the job training was not for him).
“I am a pragmatic woman - the advice in this book is sensible. It is honest. My job is interesting and fun so there are some great stories for you to read. I don’t try to scare or sway you, just show you that pregnancy is a part of many womens' lives and need not be the guilt-ridden ride it has become.
You will read about:
•Common pregnancy complaints
•The inevitable guilt - thanks to the internet, pregnancy now comes with 20% extra free guilt!
•Be prepared – your ante natal card, injections, allergies, knowing your and your partner’s limitations
•Classes and birth plans
•Labour and pain relief
•Dos and don’ts for partners
•What the midwives will teach you once baby is born
•A preview of history’s worst pregnancy and parenting advice
I hope you enjoy the book, have a laugh, learn something, and relax about what lies ahead - even if only a little. You were designed to bake this baby.