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Fire Down Below (Gynazule Book 1) by [Anastasia, Debra]
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Fire Down Below (Gynazule Book 1) Kindle Edition

3.3 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews

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Length: 256 pages Word Wise: Enabled Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
Page Flip: Enabled Language: English

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Product Description

Praise for Fire Down Below:

"I'd like to remove myself from this spam list." ~Teresa Mummert NYT Bestselling Author
"No." ~Jamie McGuire #1 NYT Bestselling Author
"Do not read her next book. Trust me." Colleen Hoover #1 NYT Bestselling Author
"I have not read this book." ~ Aesta's Book Blog
"If this book is anything like her crazy tweets, then we are too scared to read it." ~ The Rock Stars of Romance Book Blog
"Debra is the queen of s@!ts and giggles." ~ Tijan NYT Bestselling Author

Summary:

Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.

Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.

How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start. Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants, turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

More Praise:

"Crap. Why won't you go away?" K.A. Robinson NYT Bestselling Author
"You couldn't pay me enough." Tara Sue Me NYT Bestselling Author
"You can't be serious." JM Darhower USA Today Bestselling Author
"That's a big, tall glass of nope." Angie Lynch CEO and President of Shameless Book Club
"This book is about as cringe-worthy as a raging UTI." Helena Hunting Amazing Author
"This book gave my vagina nightmares for a week. What the hell was Debra thinking?!" ~Leisa Rayven Amazing Author
"I like to read Debra's work on the crapper in case I run out of toilet paper." CJ Roberts NYT Bestselling Author
"I've had the worst gas since I read Debra Anastasia's latest. Rip, full, wretched gas that singes my butt hairs on the way out. A week later I'm still walking funny." Kendall Grey Amazing Author
"This cover gives me vaginal discomfort. Someone pass the Monistat." Tara Sivec NYT Bestselling Author
"I might read this book if I wasn't so afraid of catching something." Tina Reber NYT Bestselling Author
"It itches so bad." Ella Fox USA Today Bestselling Author
"Can I un-read this? No? Do you have holy water so I can wash my eyes?" - King Midian
“Is this the gas lady with the flatulence problem that can do the bubble tricks with her vagina?” Totally Booked Blog
“Never Again. Disappointed! And just like Tony, I don’t like to be disappointed.” Aleatha Romig NYT Bestselling Author
“Penivores and Vagitarians both agree. It made them vomit a little in their mouths.” Georgia Cates NYT Bestselling Author
“This book smells like grilled cheese and sadness.” Mary Elizabeth Amazing Author
“Enough to cause a burning ring of fire. Please Debra…just stop!” Belle Aurora USA Today Bestselling Author
“The only way fire should be associated with this book is if it was actually on fire. Burning in my fireplace.” Jillian from Read-Love-Blog
“Is she writing about hairy vaginas or explosive diarrhea?” Neda from The Sub Club
“This book caused my anus to grow a steel-plated hymen.” Shay Savage USA Today
“Save your receipt.” Liv Morris Amazing Author
“Who is this woman and why is she talking to me?” Tabatha V

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 658 KB
  • Print Length: 256 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Debra Anastasia; 1 edition (28 February 2015)
  • Sold by: Amazon Australia Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00SSGACEM
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Screen Reader: Supported
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #98,069 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

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Customer Reviews

3.3 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book is stupid and annoying. I didn't find it funny or witty and I think it was about a 100 miles over the link of reality so much so that there was no way I could possibly relate to it. I get that it's supposed to be quirky fiction and funny but I just found it annoying and overly obscene without a shred of humor
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By Amy TOP 500 REVIEWER on 7 May 2015
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Freaking hilarious!
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Damn funny read!
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: 3.9 out of 5 stars 292 reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Passion Inflamed 31 May 2015
By Heidi - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
There are books that rip our souls apart, then there are those that rip apart something else. Something so raw that cannot be wiped away or even soothed with a snow cone. With explosive writing, author Debra Anastasia has taken us somewhere we didn't know we wanted to be; a journey to a deep dark place within us all.

From page one, this fun physically intense story made me squeaky laugh all the way through.
Dove is a sweetheart and Johnson is an adorable hero, although a new contender may give him some stiff competition.
Even the neighbors are likable flying their freak flag with reckless abandon.
If you are squeamish about any bodily functions, this book is not for you. But if you can squeeze outside your box, this well-written story may just leave skid marks on your heart. Can't wait for the next one.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Nicole 3 March 2015
By Nicole - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I laughed so hard while reading this book!!!! I loved all the crazy nonsense!!! Duke is the best!!!! I took off a star because I HATE books that end at 89% and then they give you a preview of someone else's book!!!! What is up with that??? I can't wait to see what happens and the second book needs to come now!!!! This is a light hearted funny read!!! Dove says all the crazy things a person thinks but never says! I love her awkwardness!!! I could actually picture the nasty, horny sausage vendor in the park humping his cart! The piercing penis episode was soooo funny!!! This is not like Saving Poughkeepsie. They are both different and awesome in their own way!!!
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars “I like to leave a mark when I bang people!” ... Debra you totally left a mark!!! 3 March 2015
By Kelly - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
What the f_ck???

I'm not sure if I should warn you or look the other way and laugh while you digest this book on your own ... I was warned ... but it doesn't do any good anyway ... Happy Reading!!!

Fire Down Below has got to be the weirdest, funniest, disgusting book that I think I have ever read!! There are parts of this book where I was laughing so hard I literally could not breath and others well I am still trying to cleanse my mind.

Dove seems to be pretty quiet, kind of awkward, clumsy, and all around just a little uncomfortable in her own skin. However she does have "the twitter" and she's a little sex kitten on there ... she really comes alive!! Her and her crazy cat Steve are a disaster of epic proportions for the most part. She has two girl friends that live in her building as well and they to are a little on the strange side. Shannon and Flower ... Flower only speaks 10 words a day and loves broken Christmas ornaments ... not weird right ... WTF??

Duke is Dove's downstairs neighbor and well lets just say that he is awesomely weird. He walks around in his undies most of the time, he is obsessed with sausage, and he never closes his door. Then we have The Anastasia's that also live in the building ... the misses is a porn writer, and these two chase each other around in crazy weird outfits and are overtly sexual ... I loved them!

So Dove has a little issue "downstairs" and has to fill a prescription at the pharmacy, where she meets a new hot pharmacist, Johnson Fitzwell (LOVE THE NAME). Its his first day on the job so he is more than thorough, making sure that Dove has no questions about her vag cream. She of course is mortified and the events that unfold after their fist meeting don't get any better!!!

Debra killed it with this book ... I mean it takes serious balls to write a book like this ... it terribly distasteful and hilariously funny ... I couldn't get enough!!!

Just a couple of my favorite parts of the book ...

“You see it’s administered with one dose in an APPLICATOR. It’s unique because it contains adhesive that will stick to your V@GINAL WALLS, as opposed to running DOWN YOUR LEGS. I think it’s called V@GI-GRAB®. But let me check.” Mr. Fitzwell ignored the large crowd and clicked away on his computer."
Don’t check. Good f_cks out loud. DON’T check!

“Yes, with these you totally can go wrong. What the h_ll are we going to do with c_ck rings?
You don’t have a p_nis. I don’t have a p_nis. We don’t even have boyfriends."
Taking a c_ck ring package in her hand, Shannon seemed perplexed.
“We have to be able to do something with them. Maybe turn them on, drop them in our coffee,
and let them do the stirring?”

“You called him the Heimlicher! I thought he was going to lick my Heim!
And I didn’t even know where that was on my body. I was ready to beat him with my Wiggle Weight.”
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Too Funny! 4 March 2015
By Amazon Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I thought this book was a hoot! Of course I raised a son and am used to raunchy humor. :-) I started reading the book in bed with my husband and after some time he very sternly told me I would need to finish the book in the morning. Apparently I was making some sort of noise that was a cross between a hyena, a seal a wheeze and a snort every couple minutes. :-) At one point he thought I was having an asthma attack and I don't have asthma! Needless to say, make sure you read this alone because you may annoy those around you.

ps- I am so rooting for Duke and Dove!
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars OMG.... Too funny to put down!!!! 27 May 2015
By K. Confair - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
OMG!!! This book was sooooo funny that I was afraid I was going to wake the entire house at 2am laughing. I couldn't put it down and read it in one night. All the characters in this apartment building with Dove, are characters in themselves. From her neighbor who Never closes his door, to the porn-author upstairs, to her 2 best friends (one stuck in past trends and one who only speaks 10 words a day), how can any relationship be normal? Dove who is embarrassed to buy feminine products let alone go to the pharmacy to get a second prescription for a feminine issue, mets hot new Pharmacist Johnson Fitzgerald, she looks to get more than just her prescription filled. But Friends, neighbors, an ex-fiance and a Penis Piercing gone wrong, can Dove and Johnson get past everything and move their sweet attraction forward? Or will Dove's screwed up luck prevent her from becoming her Twitter handle? This is a cliff hanger and I can't wait till book two to see how this ends!!!

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