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Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction Kindle Edition
As a sex, marriage, and family therapist, Alexandra Katehakis has helped thousands of recovering sex addicts and their partners discover and hone their "erotic intelligence," or their ability to make sexual choices that affirm life in healthy, imaginative, and exciting ways. By embracing their erotic intelligence, they can make sense of the past, create new and healthy habits in the present, and look toward a more intimate, erotic, and spiritual relationship in the future that nurtures honesty and closeness. With Katehakis' help, sex addicts can get in touch with their healthy sexual side—and when they are ready, be able to embrace true intimacy and acceptance in themselves and in their partners.
With exercises, practical tips, and true stories of both singles and couples who have been successful on their path, Erotic Intelligence is a must-read for those in recovery and those who love them.
About the Author
- ASIN : B004FN1SM2
- Publisher : Health Communications Inc EB; Illustrated edition (5 April 2010)
- Language : English
- File size : 441 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 288 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: 560,440 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
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Top reviews from other countries
My own search, after years of addiction and subsequent recovery, is to explore beyond safety, and to understand how the energy of my addiction can be reclaimed fully into my life in ways that do not have me looking over my shoulder.
The language of the book also annoyed me: a certain sort of recovery-speak, which I recognise from the days when I first started to explore life beyond addiction, but which I now find rather smug and self-referential.
As the reviews on Amazon USA from therapists and recovering sexual addicts make clear, Alexandra Katehakis' book has proven to be very useful to both groups of people. I can understand why this is, since it is written in a most sympathetic style and contains loads of valuable information. Any couple reading this would surely find much that is helpful, I imagine even if there was no prior history of addiction. The author notes just how distorted the representation of sexual behaviour and particularly female sexual desire in most, if not all, XXX-rated films is.
Alexandra clearly wants the couples who read this to be able to enjoy considerable consensual spice in their sexual lives. Indeed, the use of "raunchy" language is positively encouraged (p.153) and by implication raunchy sex need be neither addictive nor furtive. If followed, the advice is almost guaranteed to add excitement and arousal. Even further, she advocates "If you haven't shared all of your sexual desires by now, take this time to stop and reveal yourself to your partner. What have you been afraid to share with him or her?" and (page 190) "Express your carnal desire, what you're seeking, and what you'd like to see or do with your partner, whether it is lovely, lustful, or lascivious."
On page 166, she writes "Engaging in intimate sex, you're no longer hiding out and fantasizing." It appears that you can still be richly fantasizing but just not hiding it. Indeed, the author rightly notes (p.203): "Not surprisingly, the most frequent erotic fantasy people report involves a different partner and their fantasies are usually out of the realm of the reality of their sex lives." and goes on to write: "You'll tap into fantasies that include your partner and others you invent together to increase your erotic styles."
However, the book gave me cause for reflection on one particular issue. The author advances an argument for (p.150) "..... relational sex, not the old pornographic sex of past addictions". Page 198, she states "If your forays into healthy fantasy with your partner has you dissociating or drifting into the euphoric recall of past sexual experiences, consider that this activity might not be right for you."
The issue that I am debating in my head is: where are the boundaries of relational and consensual sex to be set by the couple? Suppose both members want to enjoy pornographic sex. Suppose that they decide that their mutual satisfaction would be enhanced by visiting a swingers' club. Does this intrinsically cross the boundary from spiritual and relational sex, entering the world of pornographic sex? Is it alright to invite others into the bedroom provided this is done only in the imagination and not in reality? To me, what is entirely consensual is fine but I don't know what would be the skilled therapist's answer based on experience. I think that Alexandra could usefully address these issues in a new edition of this excellent book.
Frederick Toates author of `How Sexual Desire Works: The Enigmatic Urge'.
I learned that healthy, fulfilling, erotic and sensual sex had previously been denied to me because I’ve likely mostly been with sex addicts of one variety or another. Sex addicts who probably had no clue they were bordering on addiction, if not fully immersed in it. Sex addicts who seem to gain so much pleasure from their addiction that they don’t pause to consider that it’s actually hurting them and likely traumatizing their partners, if not just leaving them incredibly unsatisfied.
I feel absolutely cheated by my past “intimate” experiences now. But, I’m hopeful that after having read this book, that I might be able to introduce this type of physical yet soulful heart connection into the bedroom with someone who might actually be willing to go deeper than the shallow, self-serving and objectifying nonsense that currently seems to be trending in our society.
This is a great book for soul searching for partners of addicts and for those who just want a reality check into 'what' is healthy.