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Chained : The Narcissist's Co-Dependent by [H G Tudor]

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H G Tudor

Chained : The Narcissist's Co-Dependent Kindle Edition

by H G Tudor (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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Are you or somebody you know chained to the narcissist? Are you a co-dependent? What does this mean? How did you become this way? How does the narcissist know what you are? How does the narcissist exploit this condition and how might you escape him? These questions and more are posed and answered in this fascinating book. Delivered direct from the dark-hearted master, the narcissist provides his unique observations on those who are co-dependent and find themselves chained to the narcissist.

Length: 106 pages	Word Wise: Enabled	Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
Page Flip: Enabled	Language: English	Age Level: 18 - 18
Grade Level: 12 - 12

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Product details

ASIN : B018MP1BMA
Publisher : Insight Books; 1st edition (26 November 2015)
Language : English
File size : 1712 KB
Simultaneous device usage : Unlimited
Text-to-Speech : Enabled
Screen Reader : Supported
Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
X-Ray : Not Enabled
Word Wise : Enabled
Print length : 106 pages

Best Sellers Rank: 332,203 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- 106 in Co-dependency
- 267 in Codependent Relationships
- 346 in Dysfunctional Families

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65 ratings

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Amanda Lee

If you CAN NOT let go, you may find your answer here. I did.

Reviewed in Australia on 19 September 2019

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This book was very well written. As you would expect as everything from HG is.

If you are struggling with confusion and need an understanding of why you just can't let go, then please buy this book.

As you go from page to page and hear yourself saying "aha!". Or "oh my god". You'll know that now you are learning about yourself and you've got the information jackpot!

When you understand more about what you are, why you do things, how it feels and it is spot on, then, then there is a sense of reaching a great summit.

The information in this book is akin to finding treasure for people who are struggling and can not disconnect from their narc.

You are not alone!

One person found this helpful

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Crystal

An invaluable insight into why we continually love the way we do, despite the pain.

Reviewed in Australia on 21 February 2020

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A veritable smorgasbord of food for thought and provide such a greater understanding of the world of narcissism. His writings tend to elicit many varying responses.
I’ve heard some followers question his actual accountability as a Narcissist. Simply as to whether he is, indeed, “one of such a kind”, or just a very well researched, intelligent and intriguing writer.
I simply doubt what he has written could be done if he were not “the real deal”. His accuracy, no, his intense depth of understanding, could not be possible, otherwise. I truly understand the meaning of a “cold empath” as described by Sam Vaknin of his kind. I too can feel there is so much more than fact stating or storytelling going on in amongst those words; that are so well written. It has pure passion attached. He truly does have a skill: to seek, maintain and nurture his rapport with the human race in order to be eternally sustained, and what hunter is to remain on the top of the food chain if he does not know his prey completely? His insatiable hunger cannot be managed, let alone somewhat satiated without ensuring its continual supply. We are each, but creatures of our upbringing and it’s design/conditioning. Seeking for that which helps us to feel whole. Some of us are complete, without others. Some of us believe we are not. Some of us will never be. Without life’s lessons, I guess nothing would likely ever change.
HG Tudor affects others in many ways, as is his intention and design. I dare say he will come to provide many with invaluable personal growth and forced healing before his time is done on this earthly plane. His chosen lifestyle and his writings will ensure this...Of this I am certain.
He has many books on this subject. "Sex: How The Narcissist Views Sex & The Role it Plays In Your Entanglement", being another invaluable learning tool that is a steep learning curve. If you know little about the convoluted nature of narcissism other than your own painful experience to date please do yourself a favour and read some of these books. Many books fail to teach you so much of what we fail to see, in truth, although HG's writing can be quite brutal in its teachings, due to the harsh reality presented, most of us require that in order to finally leave and learn to change ourselves, so as to avoid this from happening again. When I say happen again, I not only refer to the same relationship repeating history, I mean having relationships with the same type of people repeatedly. As HG Tudor states of his enlightening writings, "the best medicine tastes foul". I agree and am so glad I found his work, as it took such reality to bring me to a place where I was truly ready to learn to set myself free and change all that I was. For all that he is or maybe, I will be forever grateful for the little voice of reasoning that I now have in the back of my head that reminds me whenever I "forget" and doubt my intuition.

According to the rules of “relationship math,” the addition of a half and half (an SLD (co dependent) and PNarc) equals a “half relationship” consisting of enmeshed and dependent partners. But the addition of a whole and a whole (two self-loving individuals), equal two, which is one whole relationship comprised of mutually and reciprocally loving interdependent adults.- Ross Rosenberg

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Kindle Customer

Essential for understanding people

Reviewed in Australia on 9 March 2019

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I found this book extremely interesting and essential for understanding a certain type of person- a codependent. After reading this book I watched a documentary about prostitutes and their pimps, and I could recognise the dynamic between a codependent and narcissist. I could understand the psychology of the prostitute, whereas even the documentary maker was baffled by it. The book helped me understand what codependent means, and that I am not codependent. It has helped me understand the point of view of some friends, who might be codependent. I think it is essential reading for counsellors, police officers, psychologists, and just anyone who deals with people!

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Blake

Great Read

Reviewed in Australia on 14 January 2016

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Great Read .. I couldn't put it down... H G Tudor nice work sir :)

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Amazon Customer

Five Stars

Reviewed in Australia on 19 April 2016

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An honest narc??

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Mary

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 7 April 2021

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The author is a narcissistic psychopath who, in this book, exclaims that he has no interest in the academic or the empathic subject of codependency. You can find this on p. 97, "I am not qualified, either in the academic sense or the empathic sense to offer any observations on how this can be achieved. I have no interest in encouraging a co-dependent to find a way of breaking free of their chains and escaping our kind." Initially, I was disappointed with this book because I expected it to make a marriage of narcissistic abuse (NA) toward the codependent with insights on how the codependent can break free from the chains of narcissistic abuse. As you can see, the author is clear that is not his primary purpose of this book. His primary purpose appears to be to show the reader how the narcissist detects and exploits the codependent. In that regard, this book is (disgustingly) spot on.

Initially, I disagreed with the content of this book. On reflection, I wiped my negative review in favour of writing this second version. In this book, the author is honest to show how an active codependent relates to a narcissist, and vice versa. It is a relationship of the two-way exploitation of illness. The author defines the codependent as a person who sells out their free will to the narcissist in order for the narcissistic control to validate and direct their existence. As a recovering codependent, I disagreed. The author says this happens because the codependent needs the narcissist's constructed identity, in the absence of their own, to cover "the creature," an inner demon, if you like, which would otherwise consume them. Again, I disagreed, since I do not recall experiencing this notion. However, as I take in the work of this author, I am reminded that he speaks from the different perspective, of a psychopath, which is what we aim to understand, in order to know our enemy.

Paradoxically, our enemy is within us, which is our drive to engage in narcissistic abuse or, equally, to experience difficulty disengaging from it, which is also important. There is much information around advocating narcissistic abuse is not the victim's fault; where this only encourages the externalization of responsibility, which prevents new learning and true growth. Although the author of this book claims his aim is not to help the codependent, paradoxically, I have found this honest account to facilitate a therapeutic breakthrough in my codependency, once I reflected on it. My therapeutic breakthrough was this: where the author says the codpendent needs the narcissist's construct, and I felt I did not, I now understand this as a generalised umbrella statement to describe what is, inevitably, shaped by individual differences. As the codependency of each person has different origins, so each codependent will have different needs from a narcissist.

On reflection, I now recall that, for me, my abusive childhood created my codependency. I needed to sell out my free will, then, in order to accommodate abuse, because I thought that was what made me a good girl and would give me love, which I never got. I now have an external locus of control, where I look to others to confirm if I am good, if I am safe. This external locus of control predisposes me to narcissists. This lack of perceived goodness and safety is the construct I miss, which a narcissist's confident love bombing provides. Thus, for the codependent, it may not be that you are missing a whole identity, but that you have holes in the self, drilled by a previous narcissist, which you think you cannot fill. Recognizing my holes, through reflecting on this work, has enabled me to consciously use my self to fill them; that is, to be conscious about not allowing another person to complete me. For people to complete one another sounds terribly romantic but, in practice, an unnecessarily open door for sustained narcissistic abuse.

Similarly, though I disagreed with the author's conceptualisation of the codependent as needing the narcissist's construct for the purpose of covering the inner demons which would otherwise consume them, I have a deeper understanding of what is meant, here, too. For example, I find it difficult to release the narcissist's control over me because, when I do, I am forced to focus on my self, as opposed on what the narcissist is doing. My true self is traumatised and feels imprisoned by fear and guilt. I am very conscious of this and have no difficulty facing every detail of it. So, though I would have never called my true self as an inner demon, the fact is that my true self does consume me, because I feel so traumatised in my CPTSD. It makes perfect sense to me now, why the author would refer to this inner traumatised self as "the creature," which threatens to consume the narcissists, or the psychopaths, since these individuals' narcissistic defense mechanism means they refuse to be controlled by consuming emotions.

Overall, this book, like the rest of the work of this author, is not written in the usual psychological language, as he uses his own taxonomy. Once I came to understand his taxonomy here, like I have come to understand it in his descriptions of the divisions of narcissism, this book has on reflection afforded to me a deep therapeutic breakthrough in something I was previously unconscious of. I have read that people complain about the smaller than average length of the books by this author. I think this is a strength. He is intelligent enough to know if he has communicated adequately what he has to say and, frankly, he usually drives home the message multiple times per item. As long as the message is delivered, but I think it pays to digest diligently his work, who cares how long the book is. You are paying for the message. As a consequence of reflecting on the content of this book, I am far more conscious than ever before of the "chained" dynamic, so that I can seek to avoid it. That is what I hoped the book would deliver.

This book is a mirror to the codependent in you. You may not recognize what you see, because your codependency is an unconscious defense mechanism. But the mirror is also a doorway to the potential for your recovery, if you would be bold enough to look everywhere...

Twisted Heart

Codependency finally explained!

Reviewed in Canada on 24 October 2019

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I really enjoyed Chained because it explained codependency in a way that was relatable without being shameful. Tudor uses the dynamic between himself (the narcissist) and his sister (the codependent). We learn how the two manifested as such a young age and how they feed off of one another. He also discusses the dynamic under a romantic lens as well but I enjoyed reading about the two siblings because it gets to the essence of how the two came to exist in the same household.
Unlike the narcissist, there is hope for the codependent to become more independent and break the cycle but it does require a lot of hard work, self-analysis, and discipline.
A very entertaining and enjoyable read as well.

ck123

Awareness for people entangled in a relationship with a narcissist.

Reviewed in Germany on 9 April 2017

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This book was written from the point of view of an intimate relationship between a narcissist and a co-dependent, although it can also be helpful for other kinds of relationships with a narcissist too.

Since narcissists are good at manipulating people and their behaviour changes continually, their intimate partners cannot fully understand what is happening in their lives. They feel confused and distraught. When co-dependent victims finally realize there is something wrong in the relationship, they usually make excuses, justify or rationalize. They do not want to see that the narcissistic behaviour for what it really is: emotional and psychological abuse.

Among other important information, H G Tudor explains how narcissists make their victims become dependent on them and why victims remain in the narcissist's grip.

This book provides further knowledge, understanding and awareness for victims of narcissists who really want to realize what is going on and want to rebuild their lives.

Nikita

EXCELLENT BOOK

Reviewed in Germany on 7 December 2015

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For somebody who wants to understand what codependecy is and what consequences it has in the life of a codepedant, how it takes place in the life of those who suffer from it and a very general description on how to recover from it, then this is your book. Highly recommended. Read this if you want to find out or confirm if you are a codependant.

One person found this helpful

Very valuable read

Reviewed in Canada on 16 February 2019

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A must read for anyone with codependent tendencies.

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